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egcdeath · 4 years ago

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unwinding

summary: On Valentine’s Day, you receive a bit of a surprise.

pairing: steve rogers x reader

word count: 2.2k

author’s note: valentine’s day came early this year. like... over a month early i’m actually pretty proud of this! i hope you all enjoy :)

p.s. this is part of @syntheticavenger‘s lyric challenge, my prompt was: So let me take away your pain, give me all of your emotions (Victoria Monet ‘Moment’)

warnings: so much fluff. before you read this, ask yourself (and your dentist) if you’re okay with getting a few cavities.

Being engaged to a fugitive from the law meant a few things.

For starters, your fiancé was almost never home, and when he was home, he wasn’t there for long. Whether it be a 3 AM knock on the door from Natasha, or soft and apologetic eyes bidding you farewell after a 4 day tryst, everything always seemed to end too soon.

The second being that you often had little to no warning when he was coming home, leaving you to go on a mad dash to put on something nice before your partner arrived at your front door. Between random messages from burner phones, and random deliveries of local goods to your door, you were often given short notice of when you’d be able to see Steve again.

Finally, despite his best efforts, Steve was frequently absent from holidays that you used to gleefully celebrate together.

As the soft clicks of the clock increased, and night drew nearer, you feared that your Valentine’s Day would end the same as the aforementioned days, yet, after hearing the chime of your doorbell reverberate through your home, you were filled with a semblance of hope.

You all but skipped down to your door to see what (or who) had arrived, and lit up with glee when you were handed a bouquet of yellow roses with a printed note attached to it.

You didn’t think I forgot about my best girl, did you? Happy Valentine’s Day, Dear. I’ll see you in an hour.

p.s. I just learned that yellow roses represent welcoming someone back, isn’t that nifty?

-S

You couldn’t help but to grin at the note, quickly thanking the delivery person, then bolting upstairs to prepare for Steve’s homecoming.

——

After debating with yourself about which candle scent Steve would enjoy smelling most, and filling up your oversized bathtub with a cocktail of soap, essential oils, and an overpriced bath bomb, you heard the door ring once again. This time, you had a good idea of who you’d be seeing. Upon opening the door, you were far from disappointed.

In the doorway stood your greek god of a fiancé, a lopsided grin on his face despite the scratches, bruises, and dried blood that seemed to litter his body. You immediately reached up to wrap him in a tight embrace and he gladly accepted it.

“Steve!” You cheered, burying your face into his chest, “I missed you so much.” Your words were muffled, and you felt tear stains begin to latch onto his suit. He leaned down and kissed the top of your head, before lightly pushing you further into the house.

“You have no idea of how much I missed you too,” said Steve in response. “I never wanna leave you again.”

At this, you somehow managed to squeeze him tighter, and he let out a soft grunt, screwing his face up. “Are you okay?” You asked before letting him go completely. “Take off the suit, let me take care of you.”

----

That’s how you ended up soaking in a bathtub with Steve, running your hands up and down his chest while he leaned his head back and rested his eyes. It became more and more apparent with every second that he was completely exhausted, no matter how hard he tried to hide it.

Now usually, you liked to spoil your man when he came back home, but after seeing his pure exhaustion, you decided to go all out. If anyone deserved a few hours of pure relaxation, it was certainly Steve.

You stirred and sat up, sloshing around the purple water that had been dyed by the aforementioned bath bomb, and attempted to readjust yourself so that you could at least make eye contact with Steve, who had now opened his eyes from your sudden movement.

“What’s up?” He asked, breaking the prior comfortable silence, and running a large hand through your hair.

“How about we unwind. Like, really, really unwind. The whole nine yards. I completely meant it when I said I wanted to take care of you, and as much as I’m enjoying this, I don’t think that just a bath is gonna cut it,” you hummed while wrapping an arm around the back of his neck, attempting to bring your faces closer together.

“Hmm,” Steve attempted to look pensive, “Only if you insist.” At that, he gave you a toothy smile, then leaned in to close the gap between the two of you, and peck your lips.

Boy, was Steve in for it.

----

Sometime after the bath water eventually became unbearably cold, and your skin was so pruny that you swore it’d slip off, the two of you exited the bath.

The next task you set out to complete was a deep clean of your faces, which could only be accomplished with the help of a peel off face mask. You stood at your bathroom countertop and plugged in a facial steamer after filling the bottom opening.

“What’s that for?” Steve asked with a slight lisp, as he was currently flossing his pearly teeth.

“It’s a facial steaming thing. It’ll be good for your pores before the face mask, or some shit like that,” you stood back and allowed the small machine to make some strange noises as it started up.

Steve tossed the string into a trashcan before leaning over the counter and examining it, giving you the opportunity to press a button and turn the device on.

“What the hell was that?” He immediately recoiled at the sudden puff of steam, and you couldn’t help but giggle.

“I can’t believe thee Captain America, who fights aliens and takes down governments on the regular is afraid of a little steam machine.”

“Hey, everyone gets startled sometimes,” he turned his head to give you a little pout. “How ‘bout you do it first, and show me how it’s done,” Steve stepped aside at this.

You shrugged a bit and nodded, then took his place at the sink to demonstrate how exactly to steam your face. After observing you for a few minutes, Steve motioned for you to move, and as you did, he made sure to give you a little ass squeeze, gaining him a side eye from you as a response.

“Just put your head right…. there,” you gently pushed his head down, then once his head was in the proper position, you pressed the button that turned the machine on.

“This feels kinda weird. It’s like, tickling me,” he mumbled into the machine while you reached into your medicine cabinet to grab a peel off face mask. Steve began to move his face back, but you shook your head and tutted.

“I mean, that’s kind of the point. Your pores need this. So keep that head down, big boy,” you giggled, beginning to apply the charcoal goop to your face while examining yourself in the mirror.

“Do they, though?”

“Yes! Those poor cells have probably been through hell and back with all of that fighting and… avenging you do.”

“You’re lucky that I love you. But know that I expect something in return for this hard work.”

You lovingly scoffed at this, but were pleased that Steve had found a reason to finally stop complaining.

Once a decent amount of time passed, Steve lifted his face and used the back of his hand to attempt to wipe away some of the dampness.

“Here,” you said softly, grabbing a towel, and softly patting his face with it. “Now the fun part,” you began to apply the facemask to Steve’s face, and he seemed to have no complaints.

“Hey, this feels pretty nice!” He exclaimed.

“Unless you want me to get this all over your beard, I suggest you move your face a little less,” you commented while putting the last of the mask on his left cheek.

He opened his mouth to respond, but decided it wasn’t exactly worth the risk of getting a strange substance in his sensitive facial hair. You finished up putting on the mask, then rinsed your hands in the sink while Steve checked his face out. “Ooo, I can feel it exfoliating already. Are you tingling too?”

You smiled fondly at him, then shook your head and grabbed his hand. “Let’s go to the bedroom. Since you were such a good sport, I think you deserve a little treat.” You all but dragged him out of the ensuite, grabbing a fresh towel on your way out, and setting it down on the bed.

“Take your clothes off,” you demanded. “Then lay on the bed face down. Ass up. I’ll be back in a minute.” You winked suggestively at him, then went back into your bathroom to search for the lavender scented body oil hiding in a cabinet.

When you arrived back in the bedroom, you were not disappointed by the sight of Steve with his sculpted back and perky ass out. You allowed yourself a moment to check him out before you spoke. “Hey honey…” you drawled out in a faux sultry tone. “A little birdy told me that you’ve got some sore muscles from all that crime fighting you’re doing…” You ran your hand up and down Steve’s back, and you felt his back heave as he attempted to hold back his laughter.

“Y/N, what are you doing?” He asked, not even trying to hide his chortling.

“Shhh, don’t think. Just let me take away your pain, give me all of your emotions,” you poured a bit of the oil in your hands, warmed it up, then placed your hands on his back. Steve involuntarily let out a full body shudder, and you couldn’t help but to smile at yourself with satisfaction. “Seriously though, try to relax,” you began to knead his upper back.

Steve let out a shaky sigh, and relaxed into your soft mattress. Although the tone of the massage started as a joke, he was feeling more relaxed by the second. Then those seconds seemed to turn into minutes, then… hours? Maybe even days. The point is, Steve fell asleep. Then woke up to the familiar tone of a phone alarm, and a gentle shaking on his shoulder.

“Hey, you can sleep later. It’s time to take off our masks.” You reminded him. “Meet me in the bathroom, but get somewhat decent first.” You gave a little squeeze to his shoulder before walking off.

Once Steve met you in the bathroom, he made a beeline to the toilet and sat down on top of the lid. “Will you take it off for me? I’m too tired to do it myself.”

“Fine, but only ‘cause I love you,” you teased, referencing his words from earlier before you leaned down to his level. You picked at a piece of the mask on his forehead, and began to peel it back, watching Steve screw his face and squeeze his eyes shut.

“Ow, what the fuck, Y/N,” he whined, giving you a little pout.

“I’m sorry. Just think of how fresh your skin will be after this, though. You’ll look so dewy, people will think you just came out of the ice.” You moved to remove the piece on his nose, and gained a similar response.

“Ouch! Double ouch. That was way too soon. Why can’t you be nice to me while you’re peeling off my face?” Steve looked deep into your soul while you peeled around the rest of his face, and you couldn’t help but internally melt a little.

“I only tease because I care. And I’m pulling your skin off because I care even more,” you finished up pulling the last of the mask off, then pressed the back of your hand up to some red parts of his face. “All done. You look like a whole new man, Stevie.”

You stepped back so he could stand up and look at himself in the mirror, and he rotated his face back and forth so he could examine himself.

“You’re so right, Y/N. Stark and the government will never catch me when I look like this,” he teased.

“I’m just a miracle worker, I guess.”

“Well is this miracle worker ready to head to bed? All this self care has been fun and all, but…”

“Say less,” you grabbed Steve’s hand once again, and paraded him out to your bedroom, before flopping on the bed theatrically, and grinning when Steve followed suit.

You rolled on top of your starfished fiancé, and kissed him passionately, threading your fingers through his long, sandy hair and sighing contentedly. He turned his head slightly for breath, then began to speak again.

“What I was saying was,” he said breathlessly, “All of this self care has been fun and all, but now I think it’s time that I show you how I unwind.”

#steve rogers x reader #steve x reader #nomad!steve x reader #nomad!steve #steve rogers x you #marvel fanfiction #marvel fanfic #steve rodgers x reader #chris evans x reader #chris evans fanfiction #steve rogers x y/n #synth's lyric challenge #hey i wrote that lol

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serpentstole · 3 years ago

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Luciferian Challenge: Day 1

Who is Lucifer (or your Luciferian figure) and who are they to you? Feel free to include multiple answers if you have multiple figures.

This one is going to be a long answer, so I’m putting it under a cut for the sake of my followers. My thoughts on both halves of the question are below!

I do not feel equipped to say who Lucifer is. Much like the mantle of Satan, I think it’s a name or title that can be applied to a number of figures, whether they be spirit, deity, or demon; the Lucifer I know and build a relationship with might not even be the same entity that others approached, and given how illusive any concrete information on figures who have gone by that name can be, I think that’s fair.

There’s Lucifer, the Roman personification of the Morningstar, which has led some dubiously informed people to claim that Lucifer is a Roman god. There’s Lucifer as demon emperor in the Grand Grimoire, among others. There’s the Lucifer we associate with the rebellion of Paradise Lost, or the Serpent in Eden. There’s whatever’s going on with Gnostic Luciferians. Lucifer and Sophia being the material vs spiritual aspects of the same being is one take I’ve seen (unless I’m badly misremembering Jeremy Christner’s writing) though I believe for others he simply replaces Jesus or other figures as the gnostic saviour striving for mankind’s freedom through enlightenment.

I cannot begin to say if these are aspects of the same entity or completely separate beings, nor do I think it’s my place to try and make those claims. I think some of them are also going to be influenced somewhat by the attitudes or preconceptions of the individual... not so much Lucifer’s nature itself, but how they view it.

There are also theories that link Lucifer to the ancient Canaanite god Attar, who was also Attar to the Aramaic and Ugarit people, Athtar in South Arabia, Astar to to the Aksum, Ashtar to the Moab, and if those names are starting to sound familiar it’s because he was is seen as the same general deity as the goddes Istar to the Mesopotamians (and Astarte by proxy when Hellenized), in the same way that the sun god Shamash is related to the goddess Shams.

As you can probably tell, that is a subject that interests me greatly, and I’ve collected a number of papers and mythologies to study in relation to it. Even then I refrain from saying that my Lucifer and the god Attar are synonymous. We will likely never know how deep the connection goes, and while there are all manner of wonderful coincidences and similarities between the mythology surrounding Attar and our later perception of Lucifer, I don’t imagine there will come a day where I’ll be able to treat these theories as definitive, proven fact.

And of course, there’s the fact that Lucifer doesn’t actually appear in the bible, as I’ve previously explained, which can complicate things. Some people do speculate that the language used in Isaiah was inspired by the story of Attar trying and failing to claim the throne of Baal after his demise, and it would be incredibly interesting to me if a passage about a Babylonian king that was misinterpreted as being about Lucifer the fallen angel was inspired by a god who suffered a similar failure brought about by his pride. However, as I previously mentioned, we may never know for certain.

To say who Lucifer is to me is still evolving, and may always be. Due to all the aforementioned reasons and variations, I think his nature can be hard to pin down, and may be intentionally elusive. I sometimes see him as very mercurial for that reason.

The traits I associate with him are probably very similar to those that others do: a pursuit of knowledge and rejection of dogma, striving to better oneself and one’s situation, an adversarial and rebellious nature, and an emphasis on freedom (sometimes through enlightenment, sometimes more literal). In my experience, even those who take an atheistic approach to Luciferianism still use Lucifer as an archetype or symbol of these shared ideals.

Like many, the Satan of Paradise Lost is a major influence for me despite my tendency to affectionately dub it Biblical Fanfiction, and everything that’s come after can also resonate with my understanding and appreciation of him. His possible connection to Attar is one that’s interested me for some time and something I want to develop further, if only for the sake of my own Unverified Personal Gnosis. I wish to do more reading on Istar for similar reasons. I consider the Serpent in Eden to be an extension or emissary of Lucifer, rather than them being one in the same, though I have no text to point to for this beyond my own tastes and interpretations.

Given my interest in Orphism, I’m also very interested to see if my research into Phanes will influence my view of Lucifer, as I have always felt that Lucifer has a strong feminine aspect, and Phanes is an epicene deity with a name that means to shine and an association with snakes. I am deeply allergic to the tendency to say “the god in this pantheon is secretly just this other god” since I find it reductive, and it usually doesn’t pay attention to the concept of syncretism or how these cultures might have shared and spread ideas. However, the similarities between the more traditionally Luciferian side of my beliefs and the Orphic tinged Greek side of my religious practices have a good deal of thematic overlap.

And finally, to quote Jack Spicer’s fantastic poem for the umpteenth time on this blog…Imagine Lucifer. An angel without angelness. A poem that has revised itself out of sound, imagine, rhyme, concordance. Absent all of God spoke of, present everything a poem is. The law I say, the Law Is? What is Lucifer. An emperor with no clothes, no skin, no flesh, no heart.

An emperor!

---

(This was already long enough without mentioning Azazel and Eve, so I’ve linked to recent posts explaining their roles in my practice if you click on their names. They’ll probably get more of a mention in future prompts where it’s appropriate.)

#luciferianism #theistic luciferianism #witchblr #30 Day Luciferian Challenge #30dayluciferianchallenge #occultblr #illumine

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fandom-imagination-ss · 4 years ago

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Authors Note: Hey! So this is a request. And it’s a Smut So perpare yourself. Sorry it took so long, between trying too write it. And Drama with life. I got too be a proud owner of a Shinny new Sickness! Lol 😂 I was in and out for a week. NOT COVID! My skull is swelling up, Long story short. The Doctor I delt with refused too take my Swollen Skull and my memory lost (which I was having ) as serious. He diagnosed it with I had a Bad reaction too a bug bite… been dealing with this issues since Feb before the bugs were out. He refused too do tests on me until there is Snow on the ground.. (I’m Dead serious! I have too wait until November/ December too have this be a taken seriously)It’s been a hassle. The stories alone about the Memory loss should be a different post cause in the. Short week I was having memory issues I got into weird situations. My head however now is better! Still slightly swollen and I’m on day 13 of headaches. Now that my personal excuse for why this is so late is explained I would like too also apologize if it’s Not what you wanted lol 😂 Smut isn’t something I’m use too writing and I struggled. So Hopefully it’s Good! And as requested It’s LONG on word it’s 12 pages long lol so Enjoy the length!

Did I Proof read?: Define proofread lol

Rating: Rating is Smut! So 18 +

Warnings?: unprotected sex, sub / Dom like behaviour (loosely) public sexual acts, adult Toys

Paring: Klaus and Y/N

Appearances by: Klaus mikelson, Kol and Elijah Mikelson

Length of imagine: 12 pages

Requested imagine:

You have had three encounter with Klaus Mikaelson, All awkward, strange and each time endings with you Begging and Hoping too Die from your embarrassment. Each time unsuccessful dying from it. But it gave your classmate Kol (who happens too be Klaus’s Brother) ammo too torment you. Kol being a classmate / friend / tormented. He was a friendenemy. You sort of got along, but he loved, LOVED teasing you! Especially after you met his other brothers.

The first encounter you had with Kol’s brother Klaus. was at a bar with Kol, a few of your friends from class. All of you were learning too be Lawyers. Studying for the Bar, extremely exhausted from your long week. You were dragged too the bar. Where you Drank. (If remembering correctly It was Kol who was shoving the shots too everyone) that’s when the Greek god creature came into the Bar an attractive man. Avenge height, possessing curled dirty-blond hair and dark blue eyes that contrasts with his pearl-white skin. he is well-built. With a delicate and yet masculine face, he dressed casually for the for bar. Wearing jeans, a shirt, and a jacket. He was at t he bar ordering a drink as you shamefully commented, “Now that is a bum I would like too Bite.”

Your friends roared with laughter noticing who you meant as Kol spoke loudly, ‘that my dear Girl Is my brother. Klaus! Come over here.”

Klaus walked over as he spoke, “Hello- what are you all. Up too?”

“being horrified.” Kol spilled your comment too he’s brother who just laughed as you gasped as Klaus Simply said thanks and walked off. You hit Kol hard on the arm for that.

After that Klaus was seen more often you didn’t interact with him much, you were polite but kept your distant cause the comments you made about his bum was still on full display in your mind.l too humiliated. It wasn’t until you were forced into a group session with Kol did you see him face too face again. This Time you stumbled right over your own foot. And he caught you quickly but he’s hand sliced all your buttons open on your blouse reveling your bright Pink bra that was a push up. You gasped quickly covering yourself as he’s other brother Elijah came in. And saw the scene. As he spoke, “I think Kol is in his room..”

“thanks-“ you hurried off trying too fix your shirt as you got upstairs. The next encounter you were sitting with Sasha a friend from school and talking about the famous Charming, extremely Hot brothers. The Mikaelson’s.

“Kol is a heartthrob.”

Sasha curled her hair tonight a rare occasion since she hated putting heat too it. But after hearing that the Mikaelsons could be at this Party tonight she spent hours perfection her looks. You spend the normal amount of time. Kol drove you crazy with comments and being a general Ass, Elijah was Far too Perfect. With the Jaw that could Cut thru metal! And with two embarrassing encounters with Klaus you had NO intention too get chummy with that family!

“Kol is just a player- probably catch something form him.” Sasha laughed as she spoke, “Klaus is hot- and Elijah you can’t say they aren’t!”

Noddig your head, the room was buzzing as you crossed your arms leaning forward on the table looking a t your friend / roommate.

“they are very attractive- But you got too admit Kol is a player.” ‘what is Elijah?”

“The marrying type.” She laughed as she poke “What about Klaus?” You rolled your shoulders again.

“Klaus is the sort of guy who is other going too break your heart unimaginably with the amount of Passsion and Zest too Life he has.. Or he is the Bad boy searching for his good girl too change his life- Or just a more Cunning player Like Kol.”

You both laughed until you heard a deep voice behind you.

“is that really what you think of me Luv?”

You didn’t need too turn- you knew your luck wasn’t great! Every time you mention Klaus out loud he was near. This just proved it! Turning too confirm you your nightmare. He was sitting alone having a Drink.he was smug about hearing your conversation So Smug that you just got up and left.

Hours later you were stumbling around their compound.the Party was loud, your friends were all over the place, everyone including yourself was very tipsy. Or on the verge of not remembering the events of the night. You were searching for a bathroom when you came across Klaus he was standing tall as he had a burnet hair women kneeling in front of him, her hair was being held up and twisted and held tightly by Klaus. He’s head was leaned backward in pure pleasure. You caught the sight better realizing he was being giving head. You heard the loud “Gulps” and moans from the girl pleasuring him. You gasped softly stepping over grabbing the door and slowly closing the door, klaus noticed you as he grinned weakly as you quickly closed the door.

The fourth time.. was the most awkward one of All. You recently graduated when Kol offered you a Job. It was odd too have a recent graduate offering jobs but he’s family owned the most respected law firm in New Orleans. And you weren’t giving many oppunities due too Kol being a Dick. He told every law firm in the city about your passions. You are a Cryptozoology, A fourth generation Cryptozoology! Your family has been in search of Bigfoot for generations basically since your ancestors stepped foot on American soil they were searching for the big Hairy creature that is Bigfoot. You studied the mystical creature for years until you turned too being a lawyer cause you were tired of living in a trailer and having barely any food. It was really a hobby. Vs a real job. Somehow Kol discovered your secret and he blacked balled you from every respectful law firm in the city. Making the offer too work with him and his’ brothers annoying. But bills. Won over self respect!

Klaus discovered you sitting at a desk one morning, you worked there for a week before he noticed you as he spoek, ‘what you doing here?”

“I was hired- by Kol and Elijah?”

He sighed heavily storming off into his office as Kol reached over pinching your arm. You yelped owe as he spoke, “how was that meeting?”

You shoved him off your desk as you fixed your paper he sat on. “He’s annoyed you didn’t tell him?’

“I tohught he would be amused about it- I mean you do make a complete ass of yourself in front of him. Must really like him.” You chuckled softly shoving Kol away as you went back too work. Getting up an hour later too hand some paper work too Klaus, you went too his Desk dropping off the papers when you felt your Phone slip out of your pocket, it hit the corner of your foot and slide on the carpet and slide right under Klaus’s desk. Great! You muttered too yourself going on your hands and knees too find your phone. You found it but couldn’t reach it so you crawled around too the Desk pushing the chair aside as you climbed under the Wooden Desk. When you heared Klaus’s booming voice. Telling he’s Assistant too not too be disturbed for an hour. You went too move but your skirt got caught on a nail under the desk and you couldn’t move. Klaus walked over too his Desk unaware of you as he instantly pulled out his cock from his trousers.

You were stunned seeing his manhood. You joked before about biting his bum but Never did you imagine too be in a postion like this. It was itches from your face. As he opened a drawer he was silent as he reached down giving himself a squeeze slowly awaking his half stiffen Cock. You realized NOW you couldn’t just announce yourself! It would be too awkward! So you watched. Hearing A faint sound of a video playing he had lotion on his hand as he was stroking his impressive cock. Completely unaware of you. Watching him treating himself. You couldn’t help but feel the tingle between your legs watching and hearing his faint soft moans. Hearing the door open eh shifted moving closer too his Desk cursing.

“I ASKED TOO BE ALONE!”

His hand didn’t leave his cock and now it was itches from your face you had too lean your head backwards to make sure too not touch his cock with your mouth he tuck himself tightly into the desk. Trying too conceal himself.

“Sorry but I was searching for Y,N?”

You watched as Klaus squeezed his cock tighter hearing your name he groaned other in frustration or pleasure as he snapped, “SHE’S NOT HERE GO!” You couldn’t just sneak out after this. Not from the office door now! You knew Klaus had a patio, and attached too it was a fire escape you plotted your escape as he kept his assault on his cock. He’s moans got slightly louder. You fought too join in or too touch yourself. It happened suddenly he cummed but he didn’t have a tissue and it went all over your face. And into your gaping mouth that was hanging watching the heated view of his cock. He cursed softly as he shuffled up, fixing himself and going out of the room propbaby too find tissues. You took that as your chance. You ripped your skirt too escape as you climbed out fast and thru his patio.whipping your face you stood ther stunned. Standing there covered in your boss’s cum. What surprised you was how instantly you swallowed his seed. He’s delicious seed. You didn’t marvel in his taste for long before you ran down the fire escape sneaking back into the building and using a bathroom too clean up.

Something about watching a Hot guy, who happen too be your boss rub one out inches from your face and explode all over your face that made you incredibly horny. You debuted on quickly teasing yourself off in a stall but you were already been missing from your desk. And didn’t think that was wise.

Using your brain over your body which wanted too have a quick orgasms just made your heat fester all day. Kol insisted too join in at the bar after work too get drinks. You almost refused until he asked what happened too your skirt. And you realized how torn it was. And that made you say Yes too just stop him from asking questions.

The Bar was typical, Kol got distracted by a pretty girl,and everyone invited from the office was other dancing awfully or at the bar ordering more drinks you were sitting in the back at the booth. You werent’ really in the mood too be socail you wanted too get close too Steven.. your vibrating dildo that was screaming for you. From your throbbing pussy beggging for a fuck. The thought crossed your mind too have a one night stand but too many of the people in here were from work and you didn’t want them too think you were THAT Sort. So you sat unsatisfied in the corner. You were surprised seeing Klaus slip in beside you as he spoke, “well looks who’s here.”

Glancing up into his beauitful blue eyes you spoke, “hey Klaus.” “You been a very naughty girl today Y/N.” he’s voice was low as he shifted slightly looking fulling at you.

“what you mean?”

He reached up putting a fabric on the desk. Seeing it was the chunk of your skirt that was missing he spoke, “did you enjoy the show?’

“I-I Don’t know what you mean?” Grabbing your torn fabric he reached over grabbing your hand as he spoke, “I saw you, mouth open, wide expression the hunger. I saw you take most of my load in your mouth.”

Gasping you turned too him, “why didn’t you stop?”

‘why ddin’t you announce yourself too get out of that situation? I was humiliated.”

Rolling your eyes as he grinned weakly, “Only fair tit for tat..”

Looking at him surprised as he spoke, “touch yourself..”

“well aren’t you a romantic.” He grinned weakly as he leaned closer, “I want you Y/N. in every sense, I want too cum in your mouth again, your pussy, your ass , all over your chest. And all over your body. I want too fuck you until you beg too stop.”

“well aren’t you not scared of Human Resources..” he grinned weakly at that. “Tell me No and I’ll never bring this up again.”

You bite your bottom lip nodding your head, “okay. Your place?”

He grinned weakly as he shook his head, “Not yet- soon.”

That surprised I shifted looking at him “what why?”

Klaus grinned shifted reaching over cupping your face making you look deep into his blue eyes. “I want too make sure your sure about this- but for now. I deserve too watch you don’t you think?”

Looking around you were pretty isolated over here, everyone was shifting towards the front looking at the TV Screen a game was on. Other football. Or a hockey game. You weren’t sure. Even isolated it was still Public, and it wasn’t something you ever done. Hell you never thought about Doing anything in public because it’s- well the public people are around. But having Klaus caress your cheek softly making your body. Bubbly. He made you debate about it. “We.. were in public Klaus. We could get in trouble. A lot of trouble.”

“we are lawyers we know how to get out of it. I wont be fucking you today but I will make you orgasm every day. Until I do.”

Biting your tongue hard, your brain forced you too work earlier the rest of your body decided right now. Not too listen too all the red flags as too why you shouldn’t do this. Ad found yourself slip your hand down to your lap pulling your skirt up, tugging your panties too the side you looked around making sure no one was watching before you slipped your finger inside teasing you clit. Klaus watched amused. Looking into his eyes as you slide your fingers deeper inside you. Your fingers were soaked. You pushed hard sliding your fingers deep inside as you you moan weakly as Klaus’s eyes got a sparkle of amusement. You leaned against the chair as you positioned yourself too take your fingers better as you slowly teased yourself. Reaching your orgasm. Minutes later it didn’t take long too reach it, your pussy has been begging for hours for this. Pulling your hand away from yourself Klaus reached over grabbing your dripping fingers and licked them. Tasting your sweetness.

“until tomorrow Y/N.”

With that he got up and left. You sat there stunned, Did he Really just convinced you too tease yourself in Public and NOT take you to his place? Or tried too take you into the back hallway too the bathroom or in the ally? What the Hell! The high from the orgasm dissapeared as you packed up and went home. The High was GONE! And now you were annoyed he didn’t take you home. What a Tease!

The next morning you got too the office, you were still stunned at yourself for 1) catching Klaus rubbing one out in his office, while you painfully and stupidly stayed hidden under his desk 2) agreed too eventually sleep with your New boss. / your somewhat friend’s brother. 3) fingered yourself in a public bar while Klaus watched and admired you. Getting too our desk you opened your drawer too get a pen when you noticed a small red box with a red lace ribbon around it. With a small white note on the box. You grabbed It and opened the note seeing it was handwritten and from Klaus.

“put these on, and give me yours.”

What the hell? You questioned until you opened the box seeing they were Red underwear. You slide the box into your purse as you quickly went too the bathroom too do what Klaus wished. Normally you weren’t the sort of girl who followed or listened too commands like this. But Klaus made you that sort of girl-other it was his Charm, He’s intensity, he’s hot throbbing looks, but something was making you listen too him and do things that you would NEVER Do. . And after yesterday and how honrier you got after your public displays last night. You were willing.

Sneaking off too the bathroom, you pulled the red panties out you realized they were heavier then you expected. After closer expection you realized why. Vibrating panties. You chuckled softly. Surly. He wouldn’t!

You put them on. Calling his bluff No way would Klaus use this in the office. He wasn’t that stupid! Not only could you get in trouble but he would too! And Elijah would Kill him. This was just a Test. Getting out of the bathroom you went too his office seeing the big grin on his face as you tossed him the red box. He grabbed it. Opening it seeing your pink not so fancy underwear. He grinned wider seeing them as you walked out.

An hour in and Nothing. It made you smile- you called his bluff and he did Nothing! Finally you had a small upper hand on this- Odd thing going on with you and Klaus. Elijah called a staff meeting in the confence meeting. You stood up and grabbed your notebook too write notes, when you felt it. A faint tingle down below. It made you jump high. You weren’t expecting it. A few people jumped seeing your reaction as a older lady asked if you were alright. You nodded your head fast. Trying too composure yourself as you force da smile, ‘Yea- sorry spider scared me.” Walking too the conference room you felt the faint vibration every step! Sitting down you caught Klaus wicked grin seeing you enter and sit down. Klaus started the Vibration too be slightly higher. It made you jump again as you quickly covered yourself saying it was another Bug.

Thru out the meeting he kept changing the intensity from low too high. Looking right at him as someone was taking he was enjoying it as you were fighting off a orgasm. Seeing him bite his lip sent you over the edge. As you felt the pressure going faster, you bite your tounge hard and gripped the side of your leg tightly trying not too make a Peep.

The orgasm was intense. It washed over you, feeling the vibrations still going, you realized one orgasm wasn’t going too be enough for Klaus. After the meeting you were called into Klaus’ office as everyone went off for lunch as he closed the door as he grinned.

“enjoying yourself.”

You breathed deeply hitting his arm, “Klaus ican’t believe you did that!” He chucked as he walked over too his desk as he leaned against it he crossed his arms as he spoke, ‘you put them on- you had too know I was going too play with it.”

Nodding your head you stepped over as you spoke, “I thought you were bluffing!” He grinned weakly as you spoke, “give me back my underwear.” He chuckled as he spoke, “Nope” you rolled your eyes looking behind you seeing the office was empty. You reached down grabbing the panties pulling them off. You let them fall too the floor as you stepped out of them .looking at Klaus. As you bent down grabbing them tossing it too him.

“what if someone caught me!”

“lucky them- luckily they were too busy too look at you.” Rolling your eyes again for that comment he stepped over grabbing them from you as he grinned. “Is your grievances because I used the app in public or because were at work? You had too of know these weren’t normal panties”

Crossing your arms tightly looking at Klaus you reached over grabbing his arm as you spoke, “At Work! At least if its publci it’s with strangers so if I’m caught I’ll die from embarrassment but I wont have too worry about the entire office knowing!” He nodded his head as he reached up gripping your sides, “then Let’s meet up tonight after work”

You smiled weakly nodding your head weakly. “Okay.” He chuckled saying okay. As you left his office.

The end of the day appeared like it always does. You walked over too the elevator seeing Klaus in beside you. He smiled weakly as he went too fix his shoe as the Elevator was empty closing as he traced his hand on your calf. He slowly stood up tracing his hand up your leg before reaching your butt and giving it a hard squeeze. You smiled weakly as he spoke, ‘let’s get dinner.”

Disappointed that he wanted too go too a restaurant vs his place or yours. But you smiled weakly nodding your head. “Okay sure, that sounds like fun.” He grinned as he held your ass the entire ride down. He told you where too meet him as he said he would meet you there. You agreed .as you realized after he wanted your oo take your car. You probably weren’t going too his place after dinner either. But you agreed pushing that thought too the back of your mind as you separated too get too your own cars and drive too this restaurant.

You arrived there before, Klaus so you went inside too get a table. You were lead too the back of the tiny restaurant you never even heard of. It was a hardly lite Restaurant, with candles mainly being the source of light, and Jazz playing in the background. Even those it was 7 pm it was Empty. So when you got too your table you went too text Klaus until you felt a hand on your leg. It made you shriek and jump till you looked down, moving the table cloth seeing Klaus grinning like a fool.

“Fuck Klaus you scared me!”

“Sorry,”

“what you doing down there/“ he grinned as he caressed your bare legs as he spoke, “I’m having my dinner..” you laughed softly hearing that response as he grinned reaching down kissing your knee softly.

“Y/N?”

Lifting your head up seeing Elijah you gasped, “Oh Elijah hey.” You started hitting Klaus in the head trying too Single him too get out from under the table. But he grabbed your hand instead and started kissing your inner thigh. You soon realized he wasn’t going too stop. Your only hope was too scare Elijah off before he realized he’s little brother was under the table about too have his “dinner” as he called it.

Elijah was wearing his suit, it fit perfectly on his muscular body as he spoke,” what you doing here alone?”

“oh you know, I was starving and I figured I would try this restaurant out. What brings you here?”

“Same- mind if I join you.”

Elijah has always been kind too you, he was the perfect one out of the three brothers. Before you could come up with a excuse he sat down as he spoke, “how is work? Klaus isn’t giving you a hard time is he?” Feeling klaus softly nibble on your inner thigh not even teasing your pussy he was taking his time. Teasing you. As you spoke, “he’s a ass sometimes but he’s okay.” Saying that made klaus bite harder on your inner thigh as you jumped slightly shocked as Elijah asked if you were alright.

“yea sorry. Cramp. How are you? How’s working with your brothers?’

The conversation was civilized and polite nothing too deep until the waitress came and took your orders as Klaus decided that was enough teasing as he lifted your skirt up. And reach over too your bare pussy. With all the teasing before barely touching you and maybe it was the aftermath of all the times you orgasmed earlier but you were still wet. He spread your legs as he reached down softly kissing your mould before sliding his tongue around your clit. You reached down grabbing his head. As he circled his tongue around your clit.

For the last half hour of talking and waiting for your food, Elijah realized you were nervous, then he’s hearing caught the sound of slurping and hitting something wet. The sound coming from under the table. When the noise started you bitting your cheek hard trying not too make a sound. As you forced yourself too talk about anything. Elijah glanced down at the table seeing the cloth hit the floor, when the meals arrived Elijah lifted the cloth up with his foot too see what he expected he’s brother Klaus under the table. He moved his foot. Elijah was furious that 1) Klaus would be so reckless and do this in public 2) make Y/N sit here and act like nothing was happening she was probably modified 3) knowing Klaus he didn’t think of sexual assault charges that could come up. What a idiot!

Elijah went too put a stop too it until he noticed your lip quivering. Seeing you in bliss and trying too stay quite. He thought back on this afternoon when you were in the meeting acting all jumpy. Elijah heard a vibrating sound but assumed it was a phone or something in someone’s pocket. He didn’t question it because he didn’t expect anything else. But realizing you and Klaus were having a sexual escapades in the office. He was surprised he didn’t see you doing that. And seeing you now trying too eat as the sounds of her wetness got louder. Made him. Horny. Elijah leaned back in the chair enjoying the show.

Klaus had two fingers pushing inside you as he kept his tounge on your teasing you and driving you crazy. Elijah was relax and calm as he talked about Spain. You trying too pay attention but the attack of klaus firm fingers and talent tounge took all your attention. When you felt a orgasm appearing. You tried too keep your mind clear trying too ignore it. It was working until Klaus curled his fingers slightly inside you hitting your G-Spot and it hit you. It was like being slapped in the face you moaned out, feeling your body hitting that sweet heaven your legs cramped around Klaus as you forgot too muffle your moans as you gripped onto his head tightly as your head leaned backward. Elijahs cock started stiffing watching your play time. When he heard the sweet sounds of your moans he grinned weakly. Looking around Not one of the staff members reacted. Clearly Klaus was smart enough too glamor them too not notice. Giving you some privacy minus himself of course.

The gentleman Righteous part of Elijah anted too leave too give you privacy, but seeing you quivering and moaning as you realized Klaus didn’t light up once hitting your orgasm. Elijah was jealous of his brother. The more he sat watching you. The more he wanted too be Klaus between your legs. Giving you that pleasure. He wanted you wrapped around him as he slide his cock into you burying it inside you.

There was no point pretending anymore. That you weren’t being serviced. You tried too come up with something but you saw Elijah relaxing more in the chair and you could notice his hard cock.it was making a very visible appearance against his trouser. You was pulled closer too Klaus as he spread your legs apart further as he started pushing his tongue deep inside you. Making his tongue skinny as he pushed in and making his tongue as fat as it could go as he slide his tongue out. You closed your eyes enjoying every movement as you heard shifting you opened your eyes realizing Elijah was trying too get comfy with. His stiff cock causing him discomfort in his trouser. You looked right at it realizing that was the problem, biting your lip you looked up at him nodding your head. Giving him permission he started too unzip his pants as he pulled his cock out with ease. Not caring about the staff. As he started stroking. You moaned softly trying too muffle his zipper as Klaus kept teasing. Feeling his thumb teasing your clit you were completely in heaven.

Elijah was stroking his cock as he watched you go completely clam , no longer scared someone would see her. The closed sign was out, the door locked, and the staff was in the back. The room was yours. The more Elijah saw you squirming and moaning softly the more he anted too take you right on this table. It surprised him when Klaus pulled out from under the table after Y/N second orgasm as he grinned seeing his older brother.

“see something you like brother?”

Elijah quickly put himself away as he spoke, “that was reckless Klaus.”

“that Is what I wanted.”

Elijah rolled his eyes as he spoke, ‘what if someone saw?”

“lucky them- Y/N see you tomorrow.”

“What?!” You gasped out as you spoke, “you aren’t going too take me home?”

Klaus grinned weakly as he stepped over kissing her head, “No.. but if your still in need of service perhaps my brother could attend too your needs. He was after all. Pawning himself.”

Staring at Klaus you walked over grabbing your purse, “your such a ass! Goodnight.”

“Night.”

Walking off you headed out of the restaurant and home.

The next day you decided too completely forget about Klaus. If he was just going too be a massive tease. 2 can play that game. You wore a tighter skirt and a white blouse you looked presentable for work. But just the bit more appealing. Nothing overly you weren’t going too dress like a hooker at work just too get back at Klaus. He would like that far too much! Getting too the office you went straight too work as you noticed both Mikelsons brothers (minus Kol who once again wasn’t in yet) were stealing glances at you. Normally you go towards Klaus if you needed help. And you walked up with your paper going towards his office. Too only stop at the water fountain too get a cup of water. Before walking off too Elijah’s office.

“hey Elijah you got a second?”

“of course- I wanted too- can you close the door.” You nodded your head stepping forward as you closed the door behind you as you walked over too his desk sitting down as he spoke, “I want too apologize for my actions last night. It- wasn’t proper..”

Shaking your head you looked at him, “No- but it was still.. stupidly hot.- Elijah if I wanted you too stop.. I would of told you too. And. You would of respected it.”

“Still- I’m you boss I shouldn’t want too-“ he stopped himself from finish that sentence as you rolled your shoulders. “Consider I had too force myself out that door before I did something Oh so stupid.. I get it.”

He grinned weakly as he spoke, “I dind’t know you and klaus.”

“we aren’t- he’s just a tease.. he gets me all hot and heavy and just bails… he’s the biggest tease in the world.”

“that is probably the first time I’ve ever heard someone call him that..” laughing at that you reached over grabbing his hand that was on the desk. “Forget about last night- I’m sorry I-“

“you did nothing wrong.”

Shaking your head weakly you slowly stood. Up as you stepped over too stand beside him as you sat on his desk. “No but I wanted too.’

That surprised Elijah as you spoke, “I wanted you both..”

Elijah was stunned as you reached over squeezing his shoulder. “But hey- lets just forget about it.”

He was stunned as you walked out. Walking out you went straight oo your desk as you focused on your work. Biting the tip of your pen you were focused when Klaus called you into his office just before lunch you walked over too his office as he told you too close the door. You did as he sat at his desk. “How are you?”

“Fine,” “you didn’t respond too my text.”

Rolling your shoulders, “Been busy”

“you been talking too Elijah.”

Seeing him jealous you titled your head seeing his all cramp up and annoyed. “You offered him to me yesterday. Didn’t think you would care I went too him.” Walking away he got up as he walked over too the windows closing his blinds as he walked over too you pinning you against the door you were surprised at the sudden reaction. But Klaus locked the door as he spoke, “I want you.”

Looking at him you rested your head on the door as you spoke, “do you? Because you only tease me.”

He stared at you stunned at your boldness as he reached up cupping your head. Hearing chairs shuffling outside everyone was going for lunch. He reached over kissing you deeply which brought your mind back too him as he pressed himself against you.

Feeling his hands on your chest as he ripped your blouse apart. The buttons fell onto the ground but you didn’t care you kept your lips onto him as you felt your body warming up as he kissed down your neck tracing down too your chest as he cupped your breast with one hand as he went too rip your bra off. And with how strong he was. You were convinced he could do it with one hand you spoke, “wait- this was experience” he grinned as you unhooked the bra from the back. He yanked it off as he pressed his lips too your breast kissing down too your nipples before wrapping his tounge around it and taking it fulling into his mouth. You closed your eyes enjoying the sensation. You weren’t the normal girl who had overly sensitive nipples. You read about girls who could have orgasms with just by playing with their nipples. You weren’t that sort of girl. But Kalus was Very gifted with his tounge. And you could now see how it was possible.

He moved from one too another making sure the other didn’t get too lonely.when he shifted up kissing your lips again you pulled his shirt making a few buttons fall off. As he helped you. You tugged at his pants as he obliged letting you undress him fully as he helped you out of your remaining articles of clothing. Standing naked he grinned reaching over kissing you deeply as you felt him hard. He’s cock was pressing against your thigh as he slowly positioned himself too enter you. Rationally you should of worried about protection but after 4 days of just being teased.your rational state of mind was gone. Klaus reached down teasing your clit as he slide his fingers down too slide them inside you. Feeling how wet you already were he grinned biting your neck softly. You moaned softly as he pumped his fingers inside you a few times before replacing his fingers with his waiting cock. Gasping feeling his length slide inside you. It was bigger then you expected as he gripped your neck softly making you look at him as he watched your reaction too taking his cock. He pushed. A few times slowly too. Let you get use too it as you eased he slowly started thrusting fast you looked at him as he reached back kissing you.

Being pinned against the door being fucked. You couldn’t believe this was acturally happening and as if he could read your mind he kissed you deeper. Softly whispering into your ear as he groaned softly, “I can’t believe we are doing this” As he reached down twisting your nipple as he picked you up. You instantly wrapped your legs around him as he carried you too his couch as he sat down as you gripped his shoulders as you started thrusting onto his cock. Riding it. As he kept his lips on you. Your neck, your shoulder, down too your chest.

Klaus hands cupped your breast as he soon shifted you too lay down on the couch as he towered over you as he kissed you deeply before thrusting faster. You moaned softly as he loved hearing you moan. It made him push deeper inside you as you leaned your head backwards. ‘Fuck.” You uttered as he reached down kissing you again.

“language miss y/l/n “

Rolling your eyes hearing his smart remark he chuckled he’s voice was so Soft and musical that you smiled weakly even those. It was slightly annoying. Feeling his hands gripping your neck softly as he pulled you into a kiss again, he’s hand lasted a second on your neck before he traced his hand down your body. Reaching too your pussy As he started playing with your clit with his thumb as he plunges deeper inside you. Feeling the new element. Your body started tensing up as he reached down kissing your neck as he moaned softly. “Cum for me baby.”

Hearing his voice was deepin your body agreed too his request as you turned your head reaching your arm up biting into your arm so you didn’t moan out. Klaus grinned weakly watching your back was arched, your breath was heavy as your legs, pussy and body clinched onto him as he hit his limit seeing you in pure bless as he hit his climax. Burring his face into your chest trying too muffle his own moans as you both.

A few minutes passed without either of you moving or even talking. Klaus stood up as he spoke, “that was incredible. Shall we do it again after work?”

You nodded your head weakly smiling getting up as you notice your shirt. “Shit! Klaus my shirt! You completely destroyed It!”

“I have a spare shirt you can borrow.”

Well at lest it’s better then going partly nude in the office.

#fandom imagine #imagine #tvd #tvd imagine #the vampire diaries #the vampire diares imagine #the originals #the orignals imagine #klaus mikaelson imagine #klaus mikaelson #elijah mikaelson #elijah mikealson imagine #requested #imagine request #smut #klaus mikaelson smut #sorry

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writing-of-ongoing-life-crisis · 3 years ago

Text

Sleep deprived college student vibes. Lowkey inspired by post: “Cassandra grey, more like Cassandra Gay.. aha *passes out*” that post spoke to me on a spiritual level.

At this point my computer screen is just a blur of text my brain can no longer comprehend. I’m torn between making a cup of coffee and giving up on the idea of sleep, or just going to bed and damn whatever grade I get on the final. Can I really afford to do poorly on the final? God, why did I wait until today to start studying. There are papers scattered all around me, some with scribbles of half-solved math equations, some with notes on the laws of physics, others with random notes that I don’t even remember the purpose of anymore. I close my laptop for the moment and let the darkness encase me. My eyes sting from being awake for too long, and my brain is running on empty. I’ll just rest my eyes for a second, then I will go back to studying. Just for a second.

The sun shining in my eyes woke me up. I have no idea how long I have been asleep for. I rub my eyes and stretch, stifling a yawn. When it dawns on me that I am still on the floor in front of my closed laptop I panic. I turn on my phone to check the time. I have about an hour before I have to take my exam. I scramble to pick up all of the stray papers, realize that my computer is dead, plug that in, drop the papers, cry. I don’t actually cry, but I really want to. I gather the papers up again and put them in a folder. I probably won’t have time to review any of my written notes before the test, but I put them in my bag just in case. If my computer weren’t dead I would take that with me too, but it will take too long to charge and I have most of my notes written on paper anyway. Most of them. Throwing the rest of my stuff in my bag, I grab an apple on my way out the door. I have to walk to class which will take at least 30 minutes.

By the time I get to the science building I only have 15 minutes before the exam papers will be handed out. I sit down in the hallway outside the testing room and look through my notes in a last-ditch effort to cram some knowledge in my brain. Other people start arriving and we are all told to check in and put our bags away to prevent cheating.

When I sit down at my designated seat, my heart is in my throat - equal parts fear of failure, and the fact that I am still exhausted from last night. Last night is maybe a lie, I studied into the small hours of the morning, really I’m tired from this morning. This thought at least brings a smile to my face since it’s something so uslessly stupid. The exam papers are being handed out. I watch as the exam attendants slowly walk down the rows of desks passing out papers. When they get to me, I think I might die. I don’t die. But the questions on the first page may as well be in ancient Greek for all the sense I can make of them. I don’t know why I skipped this class three weeks in a row and left studying until the last minute. Maybe I thought I was smarter than I am and would be able to figure it out, but evidently not. The top corner of the test paper says “crying is allowed, do it quietly and don’t get tears on the page” This almost makes me laugh, I know it’s the professors attempt at humor because this IS a hard exam and sucks for everyone. If nothing else, at least I will get the first two questions right. Name:_______ I know that one, and Date:_______ they told us what to put there. The rest of the test is going to be.. Interesting.. To say the least.

“Times up. Pencils down.” The instructor announces. I lay my pencil down with both relief and defeat. I have no idea how I did on this exam, but at least it’s over and I can go home and crash.

#I feel that sleep deprived brain barely working #the thoughts no longer make sense #I originally wanted to go that route #but the writing does what it wants and goes where it will #I just kinda went with it #had a hard time making the whole mini plot about being sleep deprived and just brain empty #vibes #kinda

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topazy · 4 years ago

Text

What we found

Parings: John Murphy/ OC

Warning: Mentions of blood, and injury

Chapter: five

Murphy

I couldn’t believe this. How did I always get caught up in this shit?

It wouldn’t have been surprising if my lungs gave out at this point from running so far so fast. It wasn’t natural to be running from death so much. We came under attack before we reached our destination, Cora was right when she said we were being followed. The two grounders who had been travelling with us had both been killed by arrows. Cora had been hurt but I hadn’t been able to see how badly with us moving so fast.

“Here!” Cora called, before grabbing my wrist while pulling me into a small cave.

She put a finger to her lips and urged me to follow her through the dark cave. It wasn’t until we got to the other side and the light came back through that I noticed the drops of blood on the ground. I could hear footsteps getting closer to us, but couldn’t see anyone among the bushes and trees.

“Give me a hand,” Cora snapped.

I suddenly realised I was lost in my own thoughts and hadn’t noticed she was struggling to open a hatch. It had been well hidden underneath overgrown plants so I imagined it hadn’t been opened for a while. After I helped her we managed to get it open as it made a loud clanging noise.

“Shit!” I hissed hearing the war cries of reapers getting closer.

Cora practically shoved me down the hatch before jumping down beside me, slamming it shut. The noise echoing all around us.

“Don’t worry, they won’t find us.” She shrugged as if this wasn’t a big deal.

I said nothing but watched as Cora started to remove her heavy black jacket to reveal a branch sticking out of her side. What the fuck. It must have gone through when a reaper shoved her to the ground. The strangest part was Cora didn’t even seem phased while I was struggling not to throw up.

“Shit, we need to get you back to Clarke or a real healer.” I said, stepping forward and shining my torch on her.

My comment earned a slight chuckle before a slight groan of pain. Cora must have been in agony. I was surprised she was still standing, most people would have passed out by now.

“Calm down Skaikru, I’ve got this.”

I was almost hypnotised watching Cora sleep after she ‘fixed’ herself. When she asked for my belt I thought she was going to tie it around her bleeding wound, but instead she put it between her teeth.

I watched curiously as she rummaged through the drawers in the dusty old den. Happy with what she found, Cora sat down across from me. My curiosity turned to horror as she poured a clear liquid onto her side before pulling the piece of wood out, then poured the liquid onto it again. She whined in pain but it was mostly muffled by my belt. Cora had placed a knife on a candle she lit, once it was glowing she held it against her side. Tears fell from her eyes as she squirmed in pain, but never pulled the knife away until the bleeding stopped.

Cora was kinda badass, but I was also starting to wonder what was wrong with her. She didn’t seem to feel pain normally and she still wouldn’t take her gloves off. The leather must have been sticking to her skin by now, and would probably be painful to take off.

Now she was sound asleep and I was left to listen to the heavy rain and occasionally reapers banging around above us. The only thing keeping my mind from going insane from either boredom or fear was thinking of Emori. I’d do almost anything at this point to get back to her.

Cora

I woke up to see Murphy asleep which I was glad about. I didn’t have the strength for his relentless questions or snarky comments. He had every right to be suspicious of me, but I simply didn’t want to answer him. People from Skaikru really did enjoy the sound of their own voices. It was a shame really, because I found people like John Murphy intriguing.

A loud bang from up above caught my attention. The reapers had returned. Luckily for us they weren’t smart enough to open doors. They wouldn’t be attracted to us unless we made any noise. Damn it. This was just a waste of time I could have been using to find my brother. As I moved to turn round I had to place the palm of my hand in front of my face to stop me from squealing out loud.

“Sorry,” Murphy said in a low voice.

My heart was racing, he had creeped up behind me silently. I was slightly confused as to why he was so close to my face now, and I’d never realised how much taller than me he was.

“Why didn’t you let me take you to Clarke, or a healer? We would have made it.” He said, pouting.

Men. I rolled my eyes at his questions. “I don’t need a healer when I can heal myself..look I stopped the bleeding.” I shrugged. He still didn’t look impressed. “We wouldn’t have made it. Chances are somebody would have been waiting for us.”

“That wasn’t a random attack was it?” He asked, sitting down again.

I shook my head. “No, Ontari probably sent them to kill me, or you.”

“You don’t seem to care much,” he scoffed.

I sat down across from him, the look he was giving me was very intense. “I’m used to people trying to kill me.”

Murphy grinned at my answer, “welcome to the club. What did you do that was so bad?”

“hereditary genetic disorder,” I mumbled. John looked slightly uncomfortable with my answer, I could tell he was dying to ask me what I meant. “I...It’s just I know things others don’t and that’s why I’m a wanted woman.”

“What can you see into the future?” He asked in a mocking tone.

I shook my head and moved to light another candle. It must have been nightfall by now as the light shining between the thin cracks between the hatch door had disappeared. The Skaikru boy wasn’t going to stop staring at me like that unless I started talking.

“Why do they call you Murphy instead of John?” I asked changing the subject.

He looked at me as if I was crazy for asking, “because it’s my second name and there were a few people with the name John on the ark.”

“Seems a bit excessive to have more than one name,” I shrugged. Moving my eyes from the candle to Murphy again, I discovered he was giving me that strange look again.

“What?” I snapped, feeling uncomfortable.

“You don’t have a second name? It’s just Cora?”

“Persephone.”

“Pera-what?” Murphy asked, scrunching up his face.

“Per-sur-puh-nee” I said slowly so he could understand me.

I chucked when his face never changed. “What is a Persephone?”

“My first name.”

“Then why the hell are you called Cora?” He asked with a grunt. I wasn’t sure why but this subject seemed to be frustrating him.

I shrugged. “Cora is short for Persephone...plus I’m named after the goddess who ruled the underworld in Greek mythology. Some clans would see my name as threatening.”

Murphy let out a dark chuckle. “yeah I guess. I remember reading about the Greek gods on the ark, those guys are dark.”

I looked at him blankly as he spoke more about the ark. I didn’t know about the other lessons he spoke of, but I didn’t want to sound stupid asking.

“I don’t imagine grounders would have got lessons like that,” he scoffed. “Just ones on torture and manipulation.”

Frowning, I fought the urge to scorn him for his ignorant comments. I felt bad for the harm Ontari had done to him but that didn’t mean all grounders were bad. That kind of behaviour was against our laws, we weren’t all savages.

“Grounders don’t even get taught to read. We just learn how to survive and that’s it.”

Our conversation quickly died after that and I closed my eyes to let the sleep fall over me.

#The 100 #john murphy #john murphy x oc #murphy the 100 #The 100 Fandom #the 100 fanfiction #slow romance #slow burn #grounders #what we found

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argylemnwrites · 4 years ago

Text

Fight or Flight - Chapter 8: Regret

Pairing: Drake Walker x MC (Riley Liu)

Book: The Royal Heir (canon divergent from the end of book 2)

Word Count: ~3500

Rating: R (language only)

Summary: Thirty one hours since The Walker Absconding

Author’s Note: Shall we even pretend there is a posting schedule at this point? Oh well, another chapter has arrived. This series follows the Walkers, their friends, and Cordonia as a whole after they flee the country with their daughter during Barthelemy Beaumont’s attempted coup. To catch up on this series, check out it’s masterlist. (link can be found via my bio - sorry, Tumblr is once again not putting my posts with links in tag searches)

Drake popped his headphones in, trying not to wake up Bridget as he pulled open a video on his new phone. He was also supposed to be sleeping, at least theoretically. It’s why Riley had gone into the bathroom a couple of hours ago - so that he could turn off the lights and it would be relatively quiet. If he slept now, after all, he would be able to drive through the night. But he’d been wide awake for the past three hours, and at this point, he wasn’t even sure if attempting to sleep was worth it. So he just laid in the dark, his daughter sleeping peacefully next to him. Thank god she wasn’t doing that whole sleep reversal thing she’d been doing last month, where she’d been waking up maybe a dozen times over night. Her being a good sleeper was maybe the one saving grace here.

Today had just been stomach churning since he’d left to go track down a car and supplies. He hadn’t known whether to be grateful or freaked out when he’d returned to the hotel this afternoon, and Riley had a list of things they needed to do typed up on her phone. While he was glad she no longer seemed like she was about to sink into a pit of panic, seeing her planning with this much intensity was just… strange. He couldn’t think of a time she had ever made such a detailed list. She always just adapted to the situation at hand. She never tried to shape the situation herself.

But between what she’d found in her “fugitive research,” and what Hana had told them when she called after the hearing, they were starting to come up with a plan. Hana had told them that Rashad was going to be sworn in as regent tomorrow and that Olivia was technically “investigating” their location at the moment. That as soon as Rashad took on the powers of king-regent, Olivia was going to disclose that Bertrand and Maxwell hadn’t “found” them at Lythikos, so she’d sent Hana to “check” that they hadn’t returned to Valtoria, but that she hadn’t found them there either. They were all repeatedly calling their old phone numbers as well, hoping to make the story believable when Rashad undoubtedly opened an investigation into their disappearance with Bridget.

But all this meant that arrest warrants could be issued as soon as tomorrow morning. The hearing wouldn’t take long, and no one was sure if Rashad would see things as a sign of an attack on all three of them, or if he would correctly deduce that they had made a run for it and willingly left the country with Bridget. Either way, their financial and phone records were likely to be subject to review. And that meant they needed to not be anywhere near Ioannina by the time of the hearing.

The issue was, they wanted to withdraw more cash before the investigation froze their accounts. This meant using the same ATM they’d been using one more time, at 12:01 am when it was a new day and they could withdraw their daily max again without giving anyone a new location to investigate. Then, it would be time to get in the newly-purchased hatchback and drive on to Xanthi, the city they’d chosen as their next stop. Small enough that no one would predict it as their destination, big enough that Riley, a woman of East Asian heritage who only spoke English with a still-persistent New York accent wouldn’t be immediately noticeable. Drake liked that it was past Thessaloniki as well. No one would guess they drove hours further into Greece than a city with an American consulate.

So, in preparation for that drive, Drake needed to be sleeping. Even after several years out of Manhattan, Riley still hated driving, and in all honesty, the thought of her behind the wheel in a country where she couldn’t read the road signs was not reassuring to Drake in the slightest. He wanted to be the one solely responsible for the driving. But that meant he should be napping now. But how was he supposed to sleep at a time like this?

In the past day or so, he’d gone from a very stable existence to literally plotting how to hide out from law enforcement. He’d embezzled money and bribed a used car salesman to look the other way and not require him to register the car for official Greek or Cordonian papers. He’d left the only home he’d ever known, not knowing if he’d ever get to go back. How could anyone sleep after a day like that?

So instead of sleeping, he was watching news coverage of Liam’s speech that he’d given only a few hours earlier. Speculation was rampant as to both why the vote of no confidence was called and as to who the acting regent would be. Who his daughter’s regent would be. Because for the past few hours, the 10 month old sleeping on the mattress next to him had technically been the Queen-Regent of Cordonia.

It was a strange feeling, knowing that going forward, Bridget would be listed as Queen-Regent Bridget in history books, her rule starting today. Liam’s request had kind of always seemed like simple bookkeeping before. Although Liam told the press that Bridget would remain next in line for the throne even if he had children of his own, Drake had always kind of assumed they would readdress the whole situation when Liam actually got married. It had seemed highly likely to him that Bridget would end up just being a temporary placeholder, someone needed to convey stability of the Crown until Liam had a kid or two of his own. And even if she had remained next in line for the throne, Drake never really thought he’d see her take on the title. She was only supposed to rise to that position after Liam’s death.

It was probably something he should have put more thought into, to be honest. But he hadn’t, at least not anywhere near enough. And now there was no great way to undo it. She was the queen-regent now. Abdication for her, as a minor with the title, would be a nightmare at this point. Even if her title was just through the Conclave, the steps that they would have to take to change things now, the support they would need from the assholes who just voted against them and Liam, well… Drake wasn’t counting on that happening any time soon.

He opened up the CBC app to watch another site’s coverage of Liam’s speech, but his phone started buzzing in his hand. The number flashing across the screen had a Cordonian country code, but it wasn’t Olivia or Hana’s burner numbers, which they’d already added to their contact list. This had to be either Liam or Maxwell on a new number. Taking a deep breath, he popped out the headphones and swiped to accept the call.

“Hello?”

There was a brief pause before Liam’s voice came through the speaker. “Hello, Drake.”

Drake didn’t know what to say. It was his turn to speak, but what do you say to someone you’ve known almost your entire life when they lost everything? When you’d let them down? After too many seconds, he finally managed, “So, you… uh, got our new numbers?”

“Yes. Hana and Olivia provided me with them.”

“Right. Well… good. You, uh… you should have our numbers.” Drake ran his hand over his face. He couldn’t be more awkward about this if he tried.

“Indeed,” said Liam, after a beat, “So, how are you all doing?”

“We’re okay, I guess. How are you?”

The pause was longer this time. “It’s been a long couple of days, Drake.”

The weight of that sentence settled over Drake, the guilt he already carried multiplying in that moment. “I’m so sorry, Liam.”

All Liam gave in response was a little hum of acknowledgement, so Drake kept speaking, trying to find some words that would make this better, that would make Liam see how sorry he was.

“We just couldn’t wait around, you know? We didn’t know how things were going to go down, and when Barthelemy started talking about taking Bridget, we couldn’t just risk that, and so we had to do something, right? And I know this leaves you in a tricky spot, but you’ve gotta know, I wish… I don’t know, that we weren’t doing this to you, I guess? But… it’s just fucked up all around, isn’t it?” Drake knew he was rambling, that he'd basically spewed out a whole bunch of garbage, but he just didn’t know what else to do.

“What do you want me to say, Drake? You’re right; the decisions you and Riley made have made things much more complicated for me. Are you looking for me to say that I don’t blame you? That I support this course of action?”

“What else were we supposed to do?” Drake asked. He could hear his voice raising slightly, and he glanced down, checking that he hadn’t woken Bridget, but she was still passed out.

“I told you back when you were trying to have a child that if it ever became too much, to inform me, and we would reserve the proclamation.”

“Are you really trying to tell me that in the middle of everything that was happening yesterday, it would have been a good time to pull you aside and ask to undo all that shit?”

Liam let out a sigh before he answered, “It seems like that would have been preferable to you deciding to commit treason.”

Drake slammed his eyes shut, trying to keep his temper in check. Liam was already dealing with a lot, and he didn’t want to make things worse, but his words were so frustrating right now. “We didn’t even know if you would have the power to undo any of it after that vote.”

“You could have at least waited until we knew the results of that initial hearing. At that point-”

“What if the justice had decided you had no power last night instead of today?” Drake interrupted. He saw Riley coming out of the bathroom and back into their room. She obviously must have heard him on the phone. He just shook his head, trying to reassure her as he kept talking to Liam. “That’s a big fucking gamble to ask of us, Liam.”

“Fine, then some middle-ground or compromise still would have probably been better. You have to know how ill-conceived this scheme you’ve agreed to is, Drake.”

“What would you suggest, then? Sitting around, just waiting to see if we got to keep our kid?”

“Of course not. But if you get arrested and extradited back here, you will absolutely lose custody of your daughter. I would urge you to consider that fact. Additionally, Rashad is not going to be interested in becoming some sort of surrogate parent to Bridget over the next few months.”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better? That the man you have lined up as my kid’s regent has no interest in caring for her?” Riley mouthed “What?” at him from across the room, but Drake just waved his hand and shook his head again. He’d have to fill her in later.

“My point, Drake, is that Rashad would likely be very amenable to you and Riley staying with Bridget in the role as her caretakers and-”

“Stop. I’m not going to listen to that shit, okay? You know that’s not the same. You fucking know it, Liam.”

There was a rough sigh before Liam spoke again. “Fair enough. But you have to understand that you have put me in an awful position. And I’m just trying to find a way to minimize the damage caused by your selfishness here.”

“How is looking out for my wife and kid selfish?” Bridget squirmed slightly next to him as his voice climbed louder yet again. Riley must have noticed, because she scurried over and tucked her against her chest, muttering soothing words against the top of her head, trying to keep her from waking up.

“Did you think about how fleeing the country would impact anyone? Your citizens in Valtoria who no longer have a regional leader? The people of Cordonia who no longer have an heir to the throne? Your friends who have advocated for you and your family time and time again? No. You just left. You only thought of yourselves. That is the dictionary definition of selfish, Drake.”

“I’m sorry, but my family comes first. This isn’t fucking up for debate.”

“Well, some of us don’t have that luxury.”

Both Drake and Liam were silent for several seconds. Drake took a shaky breath, trying to get his emotions back under control. “Liam. I’m sorry. I really am. I never wanted to do this to you, and I know you are left cleaning up the pieces here, but I am not going to come back just for Bridget to get trapped inside the country and possibly taken from us.”

“Drake, don’t be so-”

“She’s queen-regent now, so no way we don’t get stopped at the border if we came back and tried to leave again, right? In fact, I bet we wouldn’t be allowed outside the palace with her, and that’s if we’re allowed to be alone with her at all-”

“Now you’re just being dramatic-”

“Am I? Because to me, it feels like you want me to come back and hang my hat on the hopes that Rashad needs a couple of nannies. I get the risks we are taking here. But at least we have a shot of staying together as a family this way.”

“Look, I understand that this is upsetting and frustrating. I’m upset and frustrated, too. All I want is to try and create a united front here. If we are fractured and divided, it is worse for everyone in the long run. We all want what’s best for Bridget.”

“You aren’t part of any ‘we’ here. She’s not your kid. You don’t get a say.”

The silence on the other end of the line was awful. Riley climbed onto the bed and leaned up against the headboard. One arm still held Bridget tight to her chest, but her free hand snaked behind him and rubbed soothing circles between his shoulder blades. It just did little to calm him. He didn’t know if more of his anger was directed at Liam, for presuming he had any say here, or at himself, for getting defensive when he was the one who had hurt Liam and put him in this position.

“I have never interfered in any parenting decisions you or Riley have made with regards to Bridget. In fact, I have given you both an unprecedented amount of freedom and control, knowing that it was an unusual situation. But it seems to me like we have nothing further to say to each other at the moment. You are unwilling to discuss the bigger picture here.”

“Liam, don’t-” Drake started, but Liam just kept talking.

“I understand why you’ve taken this course of action. But it is apparent that your priorities are only your daughter, whereas I need to focus on Cordonia as a whole. So, I think at this point we both need to just devote ourselves to those tasks and not worry about each other.”

It was a dismissal. A line in the sand. Whatever inner circle Liam had, Drake was no longer a part of it. He let out a sigh and swallowed roughly. “I am sorry, Liam. I just don’t know what you expect me to do here.”

“I don’t expect anything of you, Drake. You should just do what you feel is best for your family, and I will do what’s needed for our country.”

“Come on, it doesn’t have to be this way. I still want to help-”

“No offense, but a couple of fugitives are not likely to be a great resource to me at this point. This isn’t a punishment, Drake; it’s just the reality. We’ve both made the choices we needed to make, and now we both need to deal with the consequences. I need to remain focused on campaigning to regain my title, and I’m not going to have the time or energy to devote to aiding your run.”

“I’m not asking for your help, dammit. I just want-”

“What do you want, Drake? You don’t get to have this both ways.”

“I want… I want us still to be friends.”

He heard a heavy sigh before Liam spoke again. “Of course we are still friends, Drake. We just are headed in separate directions at this time, it would seem. You now have this number, though. You can reach me if you need to, and I will do the same.”

“Liam, I-”

“I wish you and your family the best; I really do. And if you change your mind, you can come find us in Lythikos.”

Drake closed his eyes. There was no salvaging this. Liam was boxing him out and closing the door. He was pretty sure having Liam screaming at him would have stung less. “Alright, I get it. Good luck with everything, okay?”

“Same to you. I really hope you don’t regret your decisions here and that you all can remain safe.” And with that, Liam ended the call.

Drake placed his phone on the bed and leaned forward, dropping his head into both of his hands. He swallowed several times, trying to break up the lump in his throat. He was very aware that although Riley seemed to be in a better spot than she was the day before, watching him cry over Liam was not going to instill much confidence. No need to make things more unsettled.

After a few moments, he took a deep breath and sat back up. Riley was staring at him, head cocked and eyes full of worry. He just shrugged and shook his head. There wasn’t much to say, really.

“Here,” Riley said, shifting forward and passing Bridget to him.

“I don’t want to wake her,” he muttered, but Riley continued, sliding Bridget into his arms before leaning against his shoulder, her hand slipping along his neck and her fingers threading through his hair.

“She’ll fall asleep in the car,” she said. Drake watched as his daughter blinked up at him, her face scrunched up like she was going to start screaming, but she relaxed and started to drift back to sleep when he pulled her against his chest and tucked his head on top of hers.

He just held her for maybe a minute, not saying anything. Riley was quiet as well, her fingers continuing to trace little patterns across the base of his scalp. Eventually, she tilted her head against his shoulder and whispered, “Do you want to talk about it or not?”

“No,” he breathed out, “not… not now.”

He felt her nodding, and her other hand settled on his knee. “Okay. Thank you, by the way.”

“Walker, it’s-”

“You don’t need to say it’s nothing. And I know you don’t want to talk about it now. So just… thank you.”

Neither of them said anything for a long while. They just sat there, trying to brace themselves for the reality of the next 24 hours. They would officially be under investigation and likely be charged with kidnapping of the queen-regent. This was the point of no return, far more than any decisions they’d made up until this point.

Oddly enough, Drake felt more confident in their plan than he had even before. As upsetting as his talk with Liam was, it had somehow helped him see why Riley was so reluctant to rely on anyone outside their family. Something about hearing Liam discuss the risks they would be facing in Cordonia as if they were nothing. As if living under the same roof as Bridget should be enough. As if they had time to wait for things to unfold. Well, it made it very clear that they saw what could be compromised and what couldn’t very differently.

He wasn’t sure how long they sat there, but eventually Riley sat up next to him. “Did you get any sleep at all?” she asked as he turned his head to look at her.

“No, not really.”

“Well, we better get going then so we can get some coffee before we hit the road.” And with that she slid off the bed and started gathering their few bags of belongings.

She was right. It was time to move on. So he gently clicked Bridget into her new car seat and did one last scan of the room, making sure they weren’t leaving anything they needed behind.

“You ready?” Riley asked.

“Yeah, Riley. Let’s go.”

Permatag: @walkerswhiskeygirl @riley--walker @bebepac @ravenpuff02 @oofchoices @octobereighth @drakewalker04 @kimmiedoo5 @mfackenthal @thequeenofcronuts

The Royal Romance/The Royal Heir: @ao719 @mskaneko @katedrakeohd @jovialyouthmusic @marshmallowsandfire @axwalker @kingliam2019 @sirbeepsalot @texaskitten30 @princessleac1 @ladyangel70 @dcbbw @yaushie

Drake x MC: @drakeandcamilleofvaltoria @iplaydrake @gibbles82 @drakewalkerisreal @notoriouscs @drakesensworld @drake-colt-lover-99

Fight or Flight: @masterofbluff @burnsoslow @bobasheebaby @shz256 @iaminlovewithtrr

#drake walker #drake x mc #trr au #trh au #trr fanfic #trh fanfic #trr au fanfic #trh au fanfic #king liam #choices fanfiction

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brianc521 · 5 years ago

Text

Overheard

Marriage.

They always say the first year is the hardest.

There is a lot of compromising, and learning new things about the other that you might not like very much.

Maybe your wife leaves her wet towel on the bed. Or your husband just kicks his shoes off wherever he is.

In Shawn and Y/n’s case? Things went much deeper than laundry and clutter.

Shawn was on tour for 9 months of their first year. He’s just recently returned home.

Now the long distance thing, him constantly on the move, time zones interfering with facetime dates, it’s nothing new to these newlyweds.

They’ve been together for 4 years now, they’ve survived 2 world tours.

It’s just, when Shawn returned home this time, something was off. For the first few days it was constant; ‘I love you’s and heaps of cuddles. To be truthful, they never really left the bedroom until his third official day when they really needed to get food.

But now it’s been almost 3 weeks since he’s come home, and it’s been 2 weeks of constant fighting. It’s almost become unbearable for them to be in the same room as each other.

With brave faces on they went to Karen and Manny’s for Sunday family dinner. But the tension is high, you could practically cut it with a knife. Shawn didn’t dish up Y/n’s plate, she didn’t offer to get him a drink when she went to get hers, they aren’t all over each other like normal, and what really caught his parents attention is the fact that he hasn’t told her that he loves her since he arrived.

Shawn is a very affectionate person, always has been, always will be. With his job, it takes him away from those he loves most, so when he is around them he makes sure they know that he absolutely adores them. Y/n is the one he tells the most.

It’s very unusual to go longer than an hour with Shawn not telling her that he loves her.

Karen gave her Mom code to Manny, letting him know he’s in charge of speaking to Shawn while she sought out Y/n.

While she helped her in the kitchen, finishing up the dinner dishes Y/n let a shaky breath slip and Karen was on her in a hot minute.

“Let’s go talk.”

“About?”

Karen gave her the Mom look and Y/n sighed, nodding as she reached for her coffee cup.

“Let’s head out to the back porch.”

“Shawn,” Manny spoke up, leaning against the door frame of the old playroom Shawn and Aaliyah shared. “Let’s have a quick chat.”

“About?” Shawn inquired, watching his Dad open the balcony door and step out.

“Just come talk to me.”

Shawn sighed, hanging his head and groaning as he followed his Dad outside.

21, married, and living on his own and he was still getting in trouble with his Dad.

Manny’s just about to take a deep breath to start this conversation when he hears Y/n’s voice.

“What’d you wanna talk about?”

“Oh Honey,” Karen coos.

Shawn’s brows furrow and at the same time both boys lean over the balcony rail to see Y/n and Karen leaning against the porch fence. Karen is rubbing Y/n’s shoulder as she bury’s her face in her hands.

“It’s been so rough since he got home.” She cries. “I don’t know how to fix it. I really don’t know what’s wrong, or what I did to make him so upset with me.”

Shawn’s breath catches in his throat, training his ears to listen intently.

“What do you mean?” Karen asks.

“I don’t know what happened? I mean I’m utterly in love with him. Nothing changed for me. He got home and we were really good for like a week and then everything, I don’t know, everything just shifted.”

“Shifted how?”

“He stopped coming to bed with me at night, and then he stopped coming to bed at all. I’ve woken up and found him asleep on his office couch,” A strained cry choking it’s way through her throat, “He’s even gone as far as the guest room.”

“I didn’t want to wake you.” Shawn mutters.

“He won’t talk to me anymore, we only scream at each other. It’s like we’re roommates and not husband and wife.”

Manny’s shaking his head, looking at his son with a touch of disappointment in his eyes.

Shawn starts to crumble, he can’t believe he’s ever made her feel this way. He brings his left hand to his forehead, rubbing away at the stress. The cold of his ring shocking his skin.

“Have you talked to him about it?” Karen ponders.

“No, she hasn’t.” Shawn answers to himself.

“I try to everyday,” She looks over to her mother-in-law. “But I chicken out every time because I’m so scared.”

“Scared of what?”

“That he’s gonna leave me.” She sobs, breaking Shawn’s heart completely at the sound. “I’m scared that I don’t make him happy anymore. That I’m not enough for him. I warned him that I thought this was gonna happen. That he was going to wake up one morning and realize that he settled for me. That he wasn’t gonna want to do this life anymore, that he was going to want so much more.”

“You are more than enough.” Karen tells her sternly, hates to hear her daughter-in-law speak of herself in such a way.

“Really I’m not Karen.” She shrugs.

“Yes you are!” Shawn tugs at his curls.

“I can’t go on tour with him, or travel at all with him like he wants me to.” She starts explaining the reason why she feels the way she does, and Shawn’s head lolls back because he’s never listened to her reasons. “And I never feel like my feedback is enough when he asks for it. He’ll have me listen to something, and I’ll tell him what I think but all I can hear in the back of my head is that I don’t know the first thing when it comes to creating music, so how the hell am I supposed to help him? He asks my opinion, I give it, and he does the exact opposite of what I’ve just said, so what’s the point in trying?”

“I want your feedback! That’s why I ask! If you don’t like it then it’s not the right fit for me!” Shawn hisses.

“And have you seen him? Like Karen to do you know that you birthed a Greek god?”

Karen snorts, shaking her head a little.

“Compared to me? The poor ratty peasant he picked up on the side of the street?”

“Hey,” Karen says.

Shawn turns around, whipping the balcony door open and stomping down the stairs, grumbling the whole way about how you always say stuff like that and it drives him insane.

He just about rips the back porch door off it’s hinges when he opens it.

Y/n and Karen jump, turning to look at the fuming Shawn coming their way.

“Call yourself the ‘poor ratty peasant’ one more time.” He growls. “I dare you.”

“Shawn,” She sighs, realizing he’s heard everything she’s had to say.

“You are not,” He shakes his head, trying to calm down and gather his thoughts. “You are not just someone I’ve picked up on the side of the street. You are the angel that was sent in my direction to show what it’s like to want to live for something. You’re the calm to my chaos, and the chaos to my calm.”

Karen excuses herself back inside where she meets Manny in the kitchen.

“Shawn,”

“No!” He says, stopping her from interrupting him. “We’ve got things to work on, I know that. We both do. I’m sorry that I’m not that easy to live with, I’m sorry I’m not easy to be married to. But if I ever hear you say that you’re afraid that I’m gonna leave you again I think my heart will physically break in half. I can’t believe that I got us into a place where you were afraid to speak your feelings because you thought I would leave you.”

“Shawn, you’re, what? Not easy to be married to? Marrying you was the easiest thing I’ve ever done, because it was like finding my missing puzzle piece.”

“The night I fell asleep in my office? I honestly fell asleep in my office, I didn’t mean to. You went to bed, I kissed you goodnight when you came to tell me, I told you I’d be in shortly, you were wearing my favorite Eddie Vedder shirt, your hair was in a messy bun and you hadn’t taken your make up off. I remember thinking that you’d probably fall asleep with it on and that I should find your wipes so I could take it off for you.”

She gasps as he recalls the night, “You remember?”

“Of course I do, looking at you in my shirt, with your hair and mess and face sleep swollen I remembered why I married you, and I fell in love all over again.” He smiles sadly, “I was writing my new song, I wanted to get the lyrics right and when I saw you looking like that it was like a light bulb went off, so I got to writing and the next thing I knew you were leaving for work after kissing my forehead goodbye.”

“So you meant to come to bed?”

“Of course I meant to come to bed!”

“Then what about the guest room?”

“That was the night I went out with Brian and Matt, remember, it was guys night, the first one since I had been back from tour. Brian was determined to get shitfaced, and while I didn’t get as wasted as he did, I did get pretty sloshed. When I got home you were already in bed, and I knew you had just washed the sheets that day, and would be so upset with me if I went to bed smelling like a bar. I was so tired, and drunk that I wasn’t in the mood for a shower, so I decided to sleep in the guest room so I wouldn’t make your sheets smell bad. My drunk brain thought it was the greatest idea I’d ever had.”

She smiles at his dumb tactics.

“Quite honestly my sober brain thinks it’s pretty smart as well. You had literally just washed the sheets. I smelt like tequila and cigarettes. What was I supposed to do?”

“You could have told me the next morning so I didn’t spend the next 2 weeks thinking that you didn’t want to sleep next to me anymore.”

His shoulders sag and he reaches out for her.

“I can barely sleep without you next to me.” He mutters into her hair.

“It feels so good to talk to you again.” She sighs.

“I’m sorry, I really didn’t mean for it to seem like I was pushing you away.”

“I’m sorry for yelling at you so much lately, I just, I can’t cope with the thought of not being enough for you.”

“Stop saying that! You’re more than enough. You’re everything and then some.”

“Can you just take me home and hold me tonight?”

“Of course I can Honey, let’s go.”

They walk back inside, where Karen and Manny are sipping their coffee as the couple slips their jackets on.

Shawn looks to his parents and gives them a nod, “Thank you.” He says, arm holding his wife close. “I love you both.”

“We love you.” They murmur together.

“Y/n,” He hums as he walks her to the front door.

“Yeah?”

“I love you so much Baby.”

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selfcareparker · 4 years ago

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(lovely anon) ok so this may sound so dramatic but; let me paint you a picture: i’m responding to your latest message, sitting on the edge of the sofa. i type in “lovely anon” into the search and see this longgg post come up and i’m like uhhh... i scroll down and see the people you tagged and literally. when i saw @ lovely anon. i . cried . like full on tears. my brother goes “what are you doing” “she tagged meeeee” and he continued what he was doing and didn’t care LMAOO but i was so emotional? i love and appreciate you too and aAH IM CRYING!! you’re just really sweet and i didn’t expect it at all and it was really lovely to be a part of something :’)

the kermit pic sent meee but yes yes yes!! when you start uni let me know, lol i’m so excited for you!! let me know how it goes cuz i’m literally hype hahah & yes we will be in our sad corners of the world, missing england but you’re right it’ll be sooooo worth it in the end!!! and oH i’m glad you talk to them lol i truly thought you like haven’t seen them/haven’t spoken to them this whole time😭 that would’ve been awful!

also i totallyyy get what your saying about the english speaking thing. and idk why you’re insecure (well i *knowww* bc it’s not your first language and you’re studying it in college so yuh) but your english is great :)))

lol yeah that makes sense.. my mom took french in college and she remembers NOTHING HDJSHSJ (the fact that you wanna learn MORE languages i- ahh i so admire you.. you literally know so many languages🥺) yea i mean you know a bunch of languages bc you know the base of words lol, but i wonder if because you know latin it’ll be easier for you to learn french? oh- oh wait you said it’ll be easier HAHHAHA

THERES SO MUCH EXCITING STUFF TO TALK ABOUT HDGSJSJSL it’s so wild to me that you can’t watch chaos walking :( i’m a professional hacker tho so i’ll try and find a way for you LMAO (by professional hacker i mean i literally have gotten multiple free trials and i’m pretty sure the hulu police are after me bUT ITS THEIR FAULT BC WHY IS IT SO EXPENSIVE???) i mean the movie was good? and cute? and funny? but yea don’t think it’s gonna be the most fantastic thing haha AND THE DOGGO AWWW (i saw it again today- or my today lol, saturday, aND THESE OLD PEOPLE CAME AND SAT IN FRONT OF ME AND MY FRIEND LIKE ITS A LONG STORY LMK IF YOU WANNA HEAR IT)

SHARK FILMS?!?!! PLEASE READING THIS I HAD NO IDEA YOU WOULD LIKE SHARK MOVIES TOO FHSKSHSHDJDJGAJAYSJS ok so i haven’t seen any of the classics (i’m working on it) but i would probably watch jaws to laugh at it? not like that lmao but like comparing it. OKAY BUT HONESTLY I BARELY KNOW ANYONE WHO LIKES SHARK FILMS AHHH OKAY im adding “the shallows” to my watchlist bc it sounds super good AND SAME AHSJD ANY BODY OF WATER IN A MOVIE I JUST KNOW ITS COMING LMAO watch me not go in the water anymore after seeing that picture HHDJSJ

WHEN I READ THIS I JUST GOT DONE TALKING TO MY MOM ABOUT THE MEG AND THAT SCENE WHERE THE SHARKKK JUMPEDDDD AND ATE THE OTHER ONEEEE AND THEN JONAS HAD TO DO- bro i cannot (i think that one is my favorite because i love me a bit of romance and the subtle romance hAD ME) 47 meters down PHEW could you imagine?? i try not to think too hard about it i’m like “don’t be dumb catherine, don’t put yourself in a dumb situation” (not autocorrect having “dumb bitch” ready i am not lying) and i literally understand... there is no other way to explain 47 meters down

i CANNOT watch horror movies, can’t can’t can’t, i literally hate them i cannot do it!!! the thrill is tempting and it’s cool in the moment but i cant lmao. i don’t have nightmares about scary things (for the majority of the time) but going to sleep i’m like oooohhhhhh shit 🥲 literally what you explained

music !!!! music !!!! music !!!! (u ever write a word and now it looks weird lmao) MY BROTHER DOESNT LIKE MUSIC AND ITS SHIT IM LIKE WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU- anyway, my music taste is all over the place i mean......... it’s crazy. earlier today i was listening to meghan trainor’s album “title” oUT OF NOWHERE, but just a few minutes ago i was listening to fall in love with me by earth wind and fire soooo lol .. megan is *chefs kiss*, i’m not familiar with stormzy🙈, harry styles.... IM SORRY IM THAT PERSON but i don’t listen to his solo music EEK i only listen to adore you... and not that frequently... the music video freaked me out... i like niall’s solo music a lot more, which i listen to a lot more. now. one direction. favorite. please & thank you. i have a playlist called “boy bands” and it consists of one direction and the vamps (obsessed with cherry blossom btw) but as you can see my taste is all over the place!! fr fr if i sent you what apple music has as my “favorites” it went from ariana grande to carrie underwood to glee (OBSESSED DONT LET ME TALK ABOUT IT) i mean please if you let me i will nonstop (hamilton HDJSH) talk about music all day😩 & NOOO UR MUSIC IS GREAT HAHSK IM NOT A BIG RAP PERSON BUT DOJA CAT IS MY FAVORITE!!

okay good, i’m glad :) i was just nervous that you did feel that way <3 and GOT IT HAHAJ healthy pressure is always good :’) my friend got me these pens cuz i love stationary and school supplies lol and was like “now you have to write something” soooo yea i feel that! and i saw you posted the ficcccccc literally so proud of you 🥺🥺 i’m trying to decide if i read it tomorrow or tonight..... sleep or a literal beautiful creation made by the sweetest person and is v v nice smut and college!peter and 4.7k...... sleep aint really calling no more.

GIRL ALL OF MY SENTENCES ARE TOO LONG HAHAHAH IN FACT THIS IS TOO LONG SOOO (also why am i 3 days late..😑) anywho it’s 1 in the morning so <33 lovely anon

🥰

oh my god the fact that you cried nearly made me cry too😭😭🥺🥺 (also, your brother LMAO), i wasn‘t even sure if you‘d see it but i immediately thought of you so of COURSE i included you <333

the hulu police lsjsjaiaik, girl i was ready to get a hulu membership when i wanted to watch big time adolescence and i couldn‘t find it anywhereee, and when i got to the payment it said i need a bank account that‘s based in the US or whatever. like bro i was about to pay you!! but i was forced to find it somewhere (and i did, on levidia,— not that i‘ve ever used it because it‘s illegal 😤 i would never!!! i‘d rather support billion dollar companies and spend my money on watching films that i can find for free 🥰🥰🥰 not

i‘ve found chaos walking online so i‘ll watch it som time this week!! also YES TELL ME THE STORY

okay so idk if you watched/are planning on watching falcon and winter soldier but i watched the first episode the other day and they were speaking french (just a few seconds) and I UNDERSTOOD SOME WORDS DLDJDJ and i was so proud of myself. i‘ve only ever learned french with duolingo lol (i only do like 5 mins a day and that‘s why i was so surprised that i understood some of it!!). and yeah apart from latin i feel like italian, german, french and english are all similar in a sense.. i mean obviously they‘re completely different languages but for example there are some grammatical constructions in french that i think i wouldn‘t understand if i only spoke english? so when i translate those things into english you can‘t directly translate them bc you say things differently, but when i translate them into german then it makes more sense to me. idk that‘s something i noticed so i feel like if you already know multiple languages it‘s easier to learn another language compared to if you only know one language and are trying to learn a second one. even if the languages aren‘t similar then i think you get the hang of it easier.

ikd slsjsjs also i don‘t want you to think that i‘m a linguistic genius or anything lmfao, like i‘m only fluent in english and german and i‘m just a wannabe (ew that word) polyglot sksj (yes i had to google polyglot— i do think learning ancient greek would be super cool tho? like imagine studying latin AND ancient greek, whew). and honestly i don‘t think i‘ll ever be fluent in another language bc i don‘t plan on living anywhere other than germany or possibly england and i‘m not dedicated enough to properly learn any other languages esp if i don‘t have anyone to speak the language with. but i still try my best and i just love language/languages as a whole so yeah i‘m happy & just learning as much as i can dkdjh🥰

(I guess language/linguistics are/is my passion (which sounds sooo lame lmaoooo) and the word passion comes from the latin word pati (i think💀) which means to suffer, and in german passion is called Leidenschaft which basically means suffering too, idk why i‘m telling you this maybe you know it already. but ok dumb fun fact, in german you can make compound words with as many words as you like, and the longest official german word is Rindfleischetikettierungsüberwachungsaufgabenübertragungsgesetz which is a law for the monitoring of labels on beef... this is such a dumb fact but i think about that word like once a day idk why dodjsjsj so... 👁👄👁)

but i‘ll stop boring you with my linguistics talk because truly i don‘t know much about languages but i am interested omg i‘m gonna shut up now.

now water + sharks. (so in non-covid times i always go to croatia with my dad during the summer, and even before ever watching a shark film i was always kind of scared in water.. but after watching so many shark films wldjdj HELP Like you know when you go deeper into the ocean and you can‘t see or feel the ground/floor? anymore.. then i just start imagining sharks. like i can‘t help it i just imagine a shark sneaking up on me or feeling something graze my foot ABD I JUST START FREAKING OUT SSKJSHSJ. idk. anyway kdkdh i do love the ocean/swimming though but the older i get the more i realise how fucking scary the ocean is ( even if we’re gonna disregard sharks)

your brother... what‘s wrong with him? HOw CAN YOU NOT LIKE MUSIC LIKE WHAT THE FAWK

OKAY BUT SAME ABOUT THE ADORE YOU MUSIC VIDEO DLDKDJSJSKSLSLKSKSJSHSH and yeah i have to say harry’s style (styles lol) as a solo artist isn‘t reaaally my cup of tea, and i only like the popular songs from his second album and the first album is only good when i‘m in the right mood (haven‘t actually listened to it in a while though, but kiwi is one of my all time favourites along with only angel but i hate the start, like it takes 40 seconds to actually begin properly). i like mgk and because of him i watched the dirt which is a film about motley crue, and now one of my favourite songs ever is same ol situation and i‘m into rock now lol. +++ justin bieber. I had a justin bieber cardboard cutout thingy😭 i was the biggest Belieber on earth when i was 13-16, but i didn‘t like his last album and tbh he‘s become a bit weird lately, BUT OH MY GOD. i Listened to his new album yesterday and i‘m in LOVE with the song hold on

i really like niall‘s music toooo!!!! And doja cat 😌😌😌😌 And THE VAMPS OG MY GOD. i got to see them live bc they were the opening/support act for little mix and ajdsjskslslsjsjsj. (Also i love concerts, some of the best memories of my life are concerts, i‘ve seen nicki minaj live 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 and justin twice and my heart fills every time i think about how excited i was, it was my first concert ever (16th of September 2016 😌) and i was the happiest person alive seeing justin drew fucking bieber (even if i‘m not tooo sure about justin nowadays)

i have a confession? Idk what hamilton is. I mean I‘ve heard about it and i keep googling it but i‘ve never watched it (is it even a film???? or like a proper musical? also pls tell me you grew up with high school musical. i have a few friends who didn‘t and it makes me so sad 😭😭😭 hsm is the best thing to happen to my childhood , the sooooongs— i still listen to some of them every week or month lool they make me so happy)

(Okay wait i was about to recommend some stormzy songs but you said you‘re not that into rap so i won‘t dksksjl)

What you said about my fic AHSLSLSJB (i wasn‘t sure if you sent an ask about it earlier? idk that might have been someone else, so if it was (and you‘ve read it already) i hope you liked it sksjsj i was...... unsure about it. and i have this reeaaallly long peter fic that i started writing in december and that‘s the only peter thing i currently want to write but also i can‘t because idk how to continue kddjj.) but I’m definitely getting back into writing i have a few blurbs that i want to write so 🥰🥰🥰

Oh and pls as soon as you read this let me know: violet or yellow? (it‘s just a tiny thing for my new theme slsksj)

#lovely anon #BY THE WAY: do not feel bad or apologise for not answering straight away #you can take your time i know it can be exhausting (not bc its anything bad but just because its so much and so long) to answer to my shit #all at once*#so really i don‘t mind if you take a few days or a week or whatever to respond #or if you want to you can respond bit by bit/topic by topic whenever you feel like it #so you don‘t have to concentrate on an ask and my post for like AN HOUR DLSKJ but rather do it in smaller chunks #if you want <3 #btw i‘m always so scared that i‘ll type lonely anon instead of lovely dldjdjsksk so if i ever do that i‘m just being #(cue your autocorrect dldkdj) a dumb bitch #its 1 am now sorry if there are any mistakes (i‘ll stop apologing from now now lol but i still am sorry you have to read my word vomit lmao)#*apologis #*from now on #omg

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kabane52 · 4 years ago

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An Introduction to Christian Faith: God’s Existence and Identity

This is a draft of something which may or may not, after many revisions, become part of a full-length apologetic introduction to Christianity. I’ve written it at my leisure in bursts. I figured it was probably worth it to upload it here. My intention is to unfold the central concepts in the Christian interpretation of the world while making a positive case for thinking that it is indeed the most plausible interpretation of Reality.

God’s Existence

How many numbers are there? You know the answer: there are an infinite number of numbers. No matter how high you count, you can always add one. Very well- perhaps you can tell me where in space I can find this infinite set and how I might see and hear it. Immediately one recognizes the folly of such a request: no number can be seen or described in spatial terms. And what would a world with different mathematical rules look like? What if two plus two came to five? Again, one almost instantly perceives the impossibility of the proposed circumstance. Numbers aren’t the sort of thing which could be other than they are. So we have on our hands a sort of thing which cannot be seen, heard, or felt. It cannot be located in space or remembered in time. They cannot be limited or changed, but are what they are by utter necessity and with perfect certainty- to prove a numerical proposition is not a game of probabilities.

At this point, I hope you have begun to see what many philosophers, theologians, and even scientists have seen. We are not simply considering numbers – we are describing the classical attributes of God- One who is infinite, incorporeal, timeless, and is who He is by necessity- that is to say, He does not change. The similarities don’t end here. Without numbers, one could not live one’s life- nearly everything one does presupposes them in one way or another. One’s day is measured in discrete units of time. One eats a certain number of meals and walks a certain number of steps. One has a certain amount of money, and that money can purchase a certain number of goods. The moon is a particular number of miles away, and its position relative to the earth correlates with the oceanic tides in a mathematically regular way. In other words, nothing makes sense without numbers.

This is the classical conception of the divine nature as well.

Among orthodox Christians, Jews, and Muslims, God is not best understood as a discrete being which is just one of many things on our list of “things that exist.” It is not that we all agree that people, plants, and planets exist, but theists add another being on top of them. What theists believe everything else is, at its most basic level, is a derivative of God. People, plants, and planets only exist within God and depend in their natures and relationships on those qualities which exist infinitely and perfectly in the mind of God. God’s existence is like the existence of numbers: they are present in all things and are presupposed in every word spoken about anything. This is why it is false to say that believers have a burden of proof from which the unbeliever is free. Both the believer and unbeliever make a positive claim. The unbeliever sees the cosmos as self-perpetuating and existing in and of itself. The believer sees the cosmos as perpetuated and sustained at every moment by the infinite God, existing not of itself but contingently- it doesn’t have to exist. It is not a matter of one person making a positive claim for which another sees no evidence. Either option demands a positive claim about reality.

The connection between numbers and God runs deeper. Indeed, it should be obvious that my description of God does not allow numbers to simply exist alongside Him. God is infinite and suffuses all things. Numbers exist because of that infinity- they exist as ideas perfectly and timelessly present in the mind of God. And it is with this recognition that the mathematical structure of the world begins to make intuitive sense. Everything we know about the universe indicates that it does not have to exist. It’s perfectly conceivable to imagine a situation where nothing existed at all. After all, if the universe needed to exist, everything about it would need to exist. Otherwise, we have only pushed the question one step backwards- if there is anything in the world that doesn’t need to be the way it is, one must explain how it came to be the way that it is. But the fact that things change proves this idea to be false. If the universe must exist and must exist in the exact way it exists, then nothing about it could change- that would be as ludicrous as saying that two plus two might as well be seventy-three. This possibility presses the question upon every thinking person: why is there a world which might not be or which might exist differently?

So we have a world- a world which is only intelligible through timeless, spaceless, infinite numbers- which does not have to exist. Obviously, these numbers cannot cause it to be the way it is- or else it would exist just as necessarily as the numbers themselves do, since numbers cannot change. This is why philosophers of the great monotheistic traditions have always held God to be the only conceivable explanation for the world’s existence. Unlike numbers (when considered in themselves), God is personal. It is only a personal being who could make choices one way or another. If the world does not need to exist, why does it? The natural answer is that its existence was chosen by One who had the capacity to choose- and that demands that the One be personal, for only persons can make choices. Numbers are ideas, and ideas exist only in minds. Since there is an infinity of numbers, the only mind “large enough” to hold them is an infinite Mind.

What all of this adds up to is the reality that basic, simple truths which we assume in our day to day lives end up demanding- when their proper meaning is reflected upon carefully- that God in the classical sense is a real being. Or, put more precisely, He is Being itself, the Existent One in whom all other existent things find their source and continued reality.

That is God in the classical sense.

What Hath Abraham’s God to do with Aristotle’s?

“But why”, some ask, “should I think that this ‘God of the philosophers’ has anything at all to do with religious conceptions of God?” After all, there were and are believers in God who are entirely nonreligious- not by an inconsistency, but by their system of thought. Even if one takes the infinite God described above as the ground of all being, what possible reason would we have to expect that he has any interest in a creature like man? Next to Infinity, it is sometimes suggested, we are essentially nothing at all- and it is foolish to expect an infinite being to have any concern for us. To provide a sound answer to this argument, one must first recognize that it is less an argument and more an intuition. An argument is predicated upon a logically valid inference, whether that inference is deductively certain or inductively probable. But what is the inference being suggested above, and how does it follow? The key premises of this implied argument are left unstated. For example, there is the unstated assumption that the kind of interest one being is expected to show to another is proportional to their relative size, strength, or intelligence. Yet, upon what basis do we make this assumption? When the strong disregard or bully the weak, we do not regard this as praiseworthy. Man nearly always takes such a tendency as a defect. By the same token, the wiser and more intelligent are almost always expected to use their gifts for the good of all, whether intelligent or not.

Christians hold this outlook to have its basis in what is really good and right. And since perfect goodness and justice is an essential component of nearly all religious conceptions of God, it would be circular to argue against this concept by assuming what it denies. That the God of Christianity is intimately concerned with those who before Him are as nothing is not an argument against Christian theism, but one of its great emphases.

I believe, however, we can go even further than this. Not only is the philosophical concept of God compatible with the Christian notion of God, we have excellent grounds to expect that this God has something to say to mankind. The real surprise, I suggest, would not be if the Infinite spoke to the human creature, but if He did not. Consider what we have just done. We have surveyed a series of logical deductions which ought to tell us something about the nature of Reality. Human beings have been doing this kind of thing for millennia. When the physicist wishes to express precisely the relationships that stars have with each other, he does so with a series of mathematical equations. If he wants to express the behavior of subatomic particles, he again does so with a series of mathematical equations. It is true that man is very small in spatial terms when considered relative to the universe as a whole- and contrary to the popular myth, so did the ancient Greeks. But in another sense, the mind of man expands to the size of the whole cosmos. Try to teach a fish cosmology or the laws of logic. The task wouldn’t be hard- it would be impossible. You could take the smartest fish to have ever lived and give him the best lessons anyone had ever taught. You could give him these lessons every day for one-hundred thousand years. On the last day, the fish would be no closer to understanding differential equations on the day you started.

Why is this? It’s because the difference between the human mind and that of a fish isn’t about degrees of competence. It would be a category error to say that we are “one-hundred” times smarter than a fish and “thirty times” as smart as a dog. The kinds of intelligence are as different from one another as seeing is different from hearing. Trying to teach the fish cosmology is like trying to train the human eye to hear birdsong. It cannot be done because the capacity to reason is not reducible to brainpower or practice. To reason is not to have a cleverer mind than a fish, but a different sort of mind. Think about it this way. When we spoke about numbers above, you understood that I wasn’t talking about a number of something. I wasn’t talking about an infinite number of stars, or five-thousand chairs, or two arms. We experience numbers in a concrete way when they describe particular things. But to say I own two television sets is not to say that I own the number two. You understood what I meant when I spoke of the number itself as an abstract category of being with its own qualities, a being which creates the possibility for its concrete realization in particular things without creating the necessity of it.

The same principle applies to countless other subjects. When you look into heaven after dawn, what do you see? A blue sky, a golden sun, and red birds. We experience sensibly blue, gold, and red as they exist as properties of beings which exist concretely. But we all know that isn’t the end of the story- to see a red cardinal is not to see redness itself. Having experienced something which is red, we can contemplate the idea of red in itself. Red in itself is an idea – it is something which exists as a concept in the mind. Or, as Plato would say, it is a form. This distinction is why there are pure mathematicians and not just mathematical physicists. Pure mathematicians study numbers solely according to their properties as ideas. There are more numbers than there are particles in the universe. Numbers make things what they are, but before they describe anything in particular, they exist formally, in mind. Pure mathematics comes before mathematical physics and is- by its very nature- infinitely more vast than mathematical physics.

Mathematics describes the qualities which make countless things what they are. We can only make sense of the world because we have the capacity to assess and understand things not merely as expressed to our senses but also in themselves as ideal forms or abstractions. So far as we know, human beings are the only beings in the universe who can do this. And this has everything to do with how we might expect God to relate to humankind. You see, the “God of the philosophers” described above is the One who contemplates all truths- every number, being what it is, has always existed in His Mind- that’s why there are numbers in the first place. All colors we can see- and countless colors we have never seen and lack words for- are subjects of His divine thought, known completely and wholly according to their particular set of qualities. According to what we’ve argued above, He made the universe by making something which did not have to exist and which exists with a sophisticated set of qualities, mathematical relationships, and behaviors drawn from the infinite wellspring of qualities that could be made into specific stuff.

And among all the creatures that we know anything about, we’re the only one who can make sense of those mathematical relationships. We can write out beautiful mathematics that not only describes the way the world is, but the way the world could have been. Our senses perceive ten chairs and two tables: our reason draws from this the idea of the numbers ten and two. Wholly apart from the chairs and tables, we reason that ten is the result of adding two and eight.

In other words- and this is of immense importance- humankind has capacities and qualities which make it – relatively or absolutely- unique among the countless physical beings- animal, plant, star, moon- that we have studied.[1] But we do share this unique set of qualities with one more Being- the very God whose existence and properties were deduced above by philosophical reasoning.

The God of the philosophers, therefore, shares a great deal with man that He does not share with any other physical being of which we are aware. We exist in a peculiar likeness to God. The Bible describes this peculiar relationship as man’s being fashioned in the “Image of God.” But I emphasize here that the fact of this likeness requires no special appeal to scripture. It can be known simply by reflection on certain aspects of philosophy. Does this prove that God has communicated with man (in a way other than man experiencing the existence of things)? Does it prove He has anything special to say to man? No, it doesn’t prove it in the sense of making it a perfect, logically necessary inference. But it does give us very good reason to expect that the God about whose existence we have learned from philosophy is and has been interested in a special relationship with the human family. The universe which He thought up and knows perfectly- the universe which He is even now holding in existence- contains a very unique creature who can think God’s thoughts after Him and, like God, fashion things into new sorts of existence.

If one had learned of this sort of God for the first time, the most reasonable question he would immediately turn to is whether this God with whom we share so much has ever talked to us. It’s possible that He never has, but it would certainly be a great surprise given the special status we have in relation to Him. Now let us say that this person had never learned about the traditions and thought-systems of the human race, and was considering these questions for the first time. Having asked = whether God had communicated with the human race, and having some reason to expect that He had, he discovers that more than half of the human population declares that an infinite and all-sovereign being who both made and sustains the world had spoken to human beings and made Himself known. When the inquirer finds that such an enormous portion of the human population speaks of this God, he will have very strong reasons to give the memory of that revelation the most serious consideration. After all, if God wished to communicate with the human race and did so, one might expect such revelation to have had some success. That the God of Abraham is the subject of devotion for half the human race – in light of the expectations of God derived from philosophical reasoning- makes Him the likeliest candidate (all things being equal) for that God as He has been made known by direct commerce with the human race.

None of this proves that God talked to the human race. Nor does it prove that if God did talk to man, He did so as the God of Abraham. But if God exists and has made Himself known to the human race, we would very much expect something like the situation in which we find ourselves- with the real revelation being the most famous of all stories told of His self-disclosure.[2]

God in Christianity

But Christians say a great deal more about God. Religious monotheists say that God is all-good. Most say- when the word is properly defined- that God is all-loving. But thinking through these attributes reveals that we really aren’t saying anything very distinct from what has already been said about the infinity of God’s existence. To say that a thing is “good” is to say that it is how it ought to be. And a thing has be-ing because it has been given it from God. Naturally, then, God is all-good, for the way in which we use the word “goodness” refers to its being what it is supposed to be- being which it has at every moment from God. To say that God is all-loving is to take us into the next major point: the cardinal emphasis of Christian theism. God is Trinity, One as well as Three.

Christianity has always been recognized as a bit odd for its profession of God in Trinity. Many critics have summarily dismissed it as an obvious contradiction. Even ancient Greek “pagans” such as Porphyry criticized its apparent waffling on monotheism. At face value, these arguments seem extremely plausible - I just made the claim above that two plus two must always be four, and could never be any different. How then can I make the claim that one plus one plus one equals One? The answer is simple: I would never think of making such a ridiculous claim, and nor would theologically educated Christians. The theology of the Trinity has never entailed anything like this. To say that God exists in Trinity is indeed to say that He is both One and Three, but His Oneness and Threeness are not meant in the same sense. God is One as well as Three, but He is Three in a different way than He is One.

Recall that everything which exists does so by participation- in one mode or another – in God. The cosmos does not exist alongside God, but “in God” insofar as it is perpetually sustained by the free activity of its Creator. The redness of the finest ruby and the green of the most precious emerald exists in these particular things because these qualities have existed in the mind of God from all time- He who contemplates all perfections and has in Himself all possibilities. In other words, He could have created any world that He wanted. Moreover, since we see that the world does not have to exist, but is in a state of flux and development[3]. Putting these realities together leads us to the obvious conclusion that God did not need to make a world, but is fully and perfectly Himself even apart from any possible world He fashions. No quality in creation can have its ultimate source in the creature.

But here we come to a serious difficulty. For the very feature which permits there to be a world in the first place is the fundamental relation between things. God is not identical to the cosmos, but is constantly in creative dialogue with the cosmos. When we look at the structure of the world, we find that mutuality and complementarity is arguably its most pervasive feature. A galaxy finds its proper context in the larger galactic cluster, but the galactic cluster depends on that galaxy in granting it its unique qualities. I, as a distinct subject, am in the world- the world is my home, my dwelling place, the necessary context for my life as a distinct human creature. And yet the world is also in me- I am made up of “world-stuff” which I take in and process from foods. I live in a water-drenched world just as water makes up a large part of my body. My relationship with the cosmos around me is one of constant mutuality, exchange, and dialogue. I make the world what it is, the world makes me what I am. Examples could easily be multiplied: it is only in light of the past that the present is the present. And it is only in light of the present that the future is the future. Each aspect of time makes the other two aspects what they are, and each is made what it is by the other two aspects of time.

This structure- mutuality, dialogue, interplay, and relation – lies near the heart of what it means for anything to exist. And yet, for the simple monotheist, it is relation which is precisely what does not exist prior to the creation of the world. God, being God, is only One, and lacks another subject with whom He is related. This leads to the conclusion that God and cosmos mutually necessitate each other- and there were indeed many in the classical metaphysical tradition who took that path. But this path is, in the end, just as dead as naturalism. The change and flux and development which defines our world is exactly what cannot exist if it is in a mutually necessary relationship with God. For God’s existence is as necessary as that of numbers- He can no more not exist than can two equal three. And if God, being what He is, produces the creation as a necessary result, then the cosmos is equally necessary- and thus equally changeless. Perhaps one might counter that the existence of the cosmos is necessary but its particular qualities fluctuate. This simply will not do- necessity is not something which can merely be predicated of a thing without reason. If the cosmos is necessary, it is only because qualities internal to the definition of “cosmos” render its existence intrinsically necessary. Any contingent quality is as good, philosophically speaking, as a contingent cosmos.

This question- that of the relationship of One to Many, of unity to plenitude, of identity to diversity- has been the subject of philosophical reflection at least since the period of classical antiquity. Conventional approaches can usually be classified as reductionist or nominalist. Reductionists emphasize the unity inherent in the world, interpreting distinctions in things as variant manifestations of what is really a single primordial element. This was a popular approach among the pre-Socratics, though different philosophers argued for different “primordial elements”- some thought all things were ultimately a variation on fire, others thought all things were reducible to water, and so on. The other approach, that of nominalism, tends to emphasize distinction and diversity as the ultimate principle of being. In this approach, different things are different from each other on an ultimate level, without being qualified by an underlying unity. If one sees two yellow flowers, the nominalist would argue that there is no single quality known as “yellowness” really manifest in two different flowers. Instead, the two objects are irreducibly different in each of their particulars. The yellowness of one is utterly different than the yellowness of the other.

It is not my intention to explore the history of this question in great detail, and the positions I have summarized above have been articulated with far more precision and subtlety than can be done justice to in a few paragraphs. My intent is rather to call your attention to the existence of the question. Surely, a cogent interpretation of the world demands that we do justice both to unity and distinction without abandoning either. And if it is true, as argued above, that God is the ultimate source and ground of all being, all creatures having their source in ideas in the divine Intellect, then the one and the many must have some basis in the life of God Himself.

This is the philosophical backdrop for the Christian doctrine of the Trinity. Far from reflecting the incoherence and triviality that some think characteristic of theology (i.e. “how many angels can dance on the head of a pin”), the theology of the Trinity turns out to have deep relevance to the most ancient metaphysical conundrums and ubiquitous features of the world and daily existence.

[1] How do we distinguish a creature with these capacities from one without them? How do we know, in other words, that this isn’t true for a bumblebee or rosebush? Well, there are two answers. First, the capacity to apprehend qualities in themselves and not merely particular things having those qualities is expressed in complex language. Take the word “blue.” The formation of the linguistic sign (or token) is made out of four letters in the English alphabet, one syllable when said aloud. But this is not at all the same thing as giving the meaning of the word. There is a quality, visual sensation which we experience when looking at the sky on a cloudless day or on certain sorts of flowers- and it is that quality which is the meaning of the word. The word itself is a symbol pointing to that which is symbolized, and the capacity to make that distinction between the nature of the word’s formation and the actual meaning of the word constitutes the essential character of rationality and language . Language separates the rational and the irrational because it requires on the part of both speaker and hearer a capacity to see the universal concepts being pointed to by the form of a word. If I write the same word twice on a piece of paper, those two instances are in one sense utterly different from each other: they are separated in space, they were written at different moments in time, and the material which makes up the physical markings is not the same. If all we knew were particulars and not universals, there would be no way that one could begin to understand the reality that two instances of one symbol point towards an identical concept.

But there’s a second aspect to this answer. Perhaps, one might argue, the bumblebee and rosebush do have this very linguistic and communicative capacity, but the mode in which it is realized is so profoundly different than ours that we do not recognize it as such. Even if this is not likely, I confess that it is possible. What are we left with? Well, since we are dealing with the claim of a likeness between the God of the philosophers and the rational, speaking creature, it is important to notice the kind of likeness that it is. The likeness is precisely the capacity to be communicative, to engage in mutual understanding through the contemplation of identical forms. And so even if we hold that all creatures embody a kind of rational will and capacity to reason, this would lead us all the more to expect a divine initiative in facilitating the dialogue which, after all, is the purpose of communication. It would merely be that the audience of prophetic revelation would include, in its own way, the bumblebee and rosebush. In the end, then I think we find ourselves in the same place.

[2] Some might think that this is sleight of hand- surely it’s not sensible to lump Christianity, Judaism, and Islam together in this context when the very same author is about to insist that Christianity alone provides the proper description of divine realities. Here is why I disagree- countless naturalists speak as if they hold about Christianity only what the Christian holds about other religious traditions. That is, the Christian holds that all religious traditions besides his own are without rational grounds, and the naturalist merely adds the Christian tradition to the list of those without basis. This is a profound mis-statement of the actual point of contrast. The Christian does not hold that Islam and Judaism are without basis in the way the naturalist means.

Both Judaism and Islam exist because of their concrete, historical relationship to what orthodox Christians believe is an authentic and historical revelation of the one true God. The Jewish tradition would not exist were it not for God’s call of Abraham, His revelation on Sinai, and His prophetic messengers. Islam would never have existed without all of these events and the ministry of the historical Jesus of Nazareth. In different ways, Islam and Judaism have transmitted certain misinterpretations of these revelations. But if we are speaking of how to explain the religious landscape, the naturalist and Christian share almost nothing in common. For the naturalist, the Abrahamic traditions are the result of chance historical circumstances and human self-delusion. For the Christian, the Abrahamic traditions are the result of a lengthy sequence of self-disclosures by the true God- to which was added on the tail end certain traditions of misinterpretation and/or rejection.

I hasten to add that this is also true by a different historical medium for the non-Abrahamic traditions. Even the crudest paganism cannot be explained except with reference to circumstances involving the activity of God, and it is a rare thing indeed to discover some tribe who has no trace of belief in One being, standing above the other divinities of the celestial commonwealth, set apart by its unique sovereignty and principal or sole role in creating the world. Indeed, the belief in a Creator God set apart sui generis from all other beings called “gods” is a very common feature of religious traditions all over the world, and such is the expectation on a Christian description of Reality where the forefathers of the entire human race had commerce with the God of Heaven. See Winfried Corduan, In the Beginning God, Concepts of God in Africa etc.

[3] As we discussed above, a thing which has to exist cannot change- or else the qualities making it what it is are passing in and out of existence, intensifying or fading, and so on.

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gdelgiproducer · 4 years ago

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Speculation about an unusual birth

(Because “‘tis the season” and all that.)

In today’s episode of “Never Ask a Knowledgeable Atheist What He Thinks Really Happened”...

If the story of the birth of Jesus Christ has any truth to it, and if he really was the result of Mary getting pregnant without Joseph’s help, then it stands to reason that somebody had to be the daddy. Being an atheist, I rule out the presence of God, so the question is obvious: is there another candidate? Funnily enough, non-Christian sources from the second century do record an alternate father for the figure we call Jesus.

Now, granted, those sources were looking to counteract the already-popular “virgin birth” story, and they were often virulently anti-Christian, so they went for the most shameful possible alternatives in that day and age: stating that Mary was either assaulted by, or had an adulterous affair with, a soldier named Pantera, and that Jesus was the result.

This was so persistent that it leaked into the Talmud and medieval Jewish writings. Some sources, such as the Toledoth Yeshu, garbled this story a little, combining Pantera with Joseph and giving Mary another husband altogether who abandoned her after the baby daddy’s deception led to conception, but everybody ultimately comes down on 1) there was another father, and 2) his name was Pantera.

Christian Response

Christian apologists have had answers for this story almost since it began. Many otherwise reliable scholars argue that pantera is a pun on the Greek word parthenos (“virgin”) and not a real name; in other words, detractors were making fun of the idea of Jesus being the “son of a virgin” by called him the “son of a panther,” or a lusty animal. But it has zero historical or linguistic basis. As far back as 1906, Adolf Diessmann showed conclusively that the name “Pantera” is a real name, not unusual, and further that it was favored by Roman soldiers, who used it fairly commonly.

Other much earlier sources, Church Fathers apparently unaware of the parthenos pun hypothesis, decided that rather than ignore Pantera, whose story was evidently already very widespread, they’d hide him somewhere in Jesus’ genealogy and claim anti-Christian sources were mistaken. Epiphanius claimed that Joseph’s father’s surname was Pantera, which -- by his own admission -- would preserve the “virgin birth” he himself believed in and still make “Jesus, son of Pantera” technically accurate by that day’s standards. Someone else claimed Mary’s grandfather bore the name of “Pantera.” While either is certainly possible (the discovery of an ossuary with the name “Pentheros” in a Jewish first century tomb in Jerusalem by Clermont-Ganneau in 1891 has given us additional evidence that the name was in use in Palestine by Jews at the time), this smacks more -- at least to this reader -- of two attempts to make a square peg fit a round hole.

At the end of the day, we are left with “Jesus, son of Pantera.” This would be enough by itself, but we even have an existing candidate for exactly which soldier named “Pantera” laid the pipe. (And I say candidate only because the evidence is circumstantial at best; definitive proof does not exist.)

A Grave in Germany

In October 1859, during the construction of a railroad in Bingerbrück, Germany, tombstones for nine Roman soldiers were accidentally discovered. Among them was the memorial marker of one Tiberius Julius Abdes Pantera, a soldier of 40 years, former standard bearer for the First Cohort of Archers, who had died at the age of 62. (Presently, the marker resides at the Römerhalle museum in Bad Kreuznach, Germany.)

The Roman names speak for themselves -- both may have been given in recognition of serving in the army as he obtained Roman citizenship, with the particular significance of Tiberius being that Tiberius was the Caesar on the throne when Pantera was discharged, and so he’d have added the emperor’s name to his own when granted citizenship -- but “Abdes” is especially interesting. It seems to be the Latin form of an Aramaic name. (You know, the language Jesus and his fellow Jews spoke?) According to etymologists, Abdes comes from Ebed, which means “servant of God” in Aramaic.

I know what you’re thinking: “Why would a Roman have an Aramaic name?” Well, a lot of poor Jews and other impoverished men of Near Eastern cultures in that day, who for whatever reason could not find viable alternatives in their native place, would hire themselves out as mercenaries. Sometimes even to the hated Roman occupiers -- after all, if you hung around long enough, you got Roman citizenship and a pension in addition to your wages, which was no small reward in the days of the Empire.

Lending credence to this theory that Pantera wasn’t strictly Roman, according to his epitaph, he came from Sidon, on the coast of Phoenicia just west of Galilee (where, you’ll recall, Jesus is reported to have lived most of his life). More than that, based on the known movements of the First Cohort of Archers, they transferred from Palestine to Dalmatia in 6 AD, and to the Rhine in 9 AD. So Pantera was not only in Palestine at the right time for Jesus to be conceived, but he wasn’t Roman by birth; he enlisted locally, from an area close enough geographically that it’s even more possible he and Mary could have met.

Tiberius ruled from 14 AD to 37 AD. Pantera’s 40 years of service would therefore have started between 27 BC and 4 BC. As Pantera would probably have been about 18 when he enlisted, it means he was likely born between 45 BC and 22 BC. He could have been as young as 15 at the probable time of Jesus’ conception, which is worth noting because, from what we know of Jewish society back then, a boy would have been learning his trade by age 10, engaged at 13 (girls would typically be 12), and married by 14 (girls, 13); precocious and unconscionable by today’s standards, no doubt, but nonetheless the reality.

So... even absent definitive evidence, we have a viable candidate for the baby daddy -- right place, right time, right name, right age for things not to be icky, the kind of background where he and Mary could conceivably have met. But what about the stories of assault and illegitimacy?

Possible Explanations

Well, let’s look at what we know about Jewish culture at the time and speculate a little based on that:

This was a patriarchal culture where, as Fiddler on the Roof puts it, marriage was decided by the papas.

Sex outside of marriage was frowned upon. Shit, women were called whores just for getting divorced. (An echo of this exists even in Jesus’ own Sermon on the Mount, where divorce for any reason other than marital unfaithfulness is considered blameworthy.)

When tax collectors were being excoriated as traitorous collaborators by their fellow countrymen, imagine how much worse you’d get it if you slept with a Jew who went on to become a soldier in the Roman army. Why, the man himself, regardless of any lover or wife, might be disowned, a practice whereby parents considered their child dead and observed the traditional seven days of mourning.

Continuing on that seeming tangent from the last bullet point, if a man died without having children, Mosaic law held that his brother was responsible for marrying his widowed sister-in-law and continuing the family line in his brother’s name. So if a disowned son “died” without having children, well... maybe his brother had to pay for that choice.

Based on that, and sprinkling in a little long-standing Catholic tradition which portrays Joseph as an old widower (bearing in mind that many people in Jesus’ day didn’t live past 40, so even approaching one’s late thirties was considered “old”), I think I have an interesting idea about what went down.

All of it is speculation. Every single bit of it. But isn’t it funny how it basically aligns with recorded tradition, even in the Bible and apocrypha, when you strip out the supernatural elements? (Okay, that’s a little strong, but, I mean, it’s not a huge stretch. It lines up.)

My Interesting Idea

Meet Miriam. a young teen by today’s standards. Like any other young teen at any time in recorded history, she’s a force of nature, with hormones and with emotions so powerful they shock even her. (Healthy teenage development can look pretty irrational. A minor annoyance can turn into an emotional earthquake that knocks everyone in the house off balance. Not much has changed.)

Meet Ebed. Maybe he and Miriam have known each other their entire lives; maybe he’s new in town and just cute enough to catch her eye. He has ambition. He feels he isn’t destined to stay in some obscure backwater, and he wants to make something of himself. More than that, he’s hungry. But odd jobs aren’t cutting it. If he puts his foot forward to betroth Miriam, her father will laugh in his face. In their time and place, marriages are arranged, and he has nothing to offer.

If anything, Miriam’s father is more interested in his older brother, Yosef, a widower. Being a tekton (often translated as “carpenter,” but more accurately a stonemason or architect) making decent money from Herod and Rome reconstructing Palestine in their image, he’d be a sound choice for her future. So she wants the brother, big deal -- what say does she have in the matter? It’s the same family. She’ll see him all the time!

One day, Ebed -- whose name I’ll remind you means “servant of God” (those Christian mystics do say the Lord works in mysterious ways, don’t they) -- visits Miriam with his usual flattering words. She knows something’s up. He tells Miriam that he’s found a way out, a way to make his mark on the world, but while it can provide for the two of them, it will expose them to shame and disgrace forever, and there’s even less chance her father will think their betrothal is a good idea. Namely, he’s joining the First Cohort of Archers. Knowing what this will mean for their relationship, even though she has known no man in the biblical sense (which makes her reluctant at first), she ultimately accepts a “proper goodbye.” Unfortunately for Miriam, in her time, place, and circumstance anyway, she was left with a reminder of his love. And the minute she knows she’s pregnant, she runs off to hang with her cousin, who just got pregnant herself under equally unusual circumstances. Running to visit a cousin in the same shape? Sounds like someone who was scared, or needed advice or time to think about what to do.

(Note that all of the above, once you strip out the supernatural angle and added frippery, is exactly what’s in the Gospel of Luke: a servant of God visits Mary with words of flattery, “tells her she’ll have a child” [I mean, he even says the Holy Spirit will “come upon her,” and don’t criticize me for my dirty mind, men considered it a divine mandate to spread their seed based on the early chapters of Genesis, whether they were consciously setting out to do that or not], she is reluctant at first but ultimately accepting of this “news,” and she immediately goes to visit her mysteriously pregnant cousin. Honestly none of this is especially different from the Bible when you remove your rose-colored glasses.)

While Miriam is off with her cousin Elisheba, her father makes the choice he’d already set his mind upon anyway, especially in light of Ebed running off to join the Romans, being disowned, and permanently taking himself out of the game (as it were): she will be pledged to Yosef. Since Ebed is now “dead,” maybe he can use his word -- the final word -- to persuade Miriam that her marriage fulfills the Law, and her children with Yosef will be Ebed’s. It’s technically not true in the least, but men thank God in prayer every morning that they were not born women and a common saying is that the Law should sooner be burnt than placed in female hands, so she won’t know the difference anyway, and if she shoots her mouth off, no one will pay it any mind, as she’s a woman.

As for Yosef’s feelings on the subject, arranged betrothals are just the way things are done. He knows his brother loved Miriam, and he feels bad, but honoring him by marrying her is what tradition dictates. He’s getting older (at least by that day’s standards), he’s been around the block once; even if he never truly loves this woman, at least there will be someone to come home to.

Word arrives at Elisheba’s: “You are betrothed to Yosef. Get back here. It’s been three months.” Now, what does Miriam do in that situation? Deciding never to return wouldn’t just disgrace her; it would put Yosef in the middle of things and leave a black mark on his reputation. Whatever she feels about him, she knows he doesn’t deserve that. So naturally, with no other choice, she goes home.

Imagine Yosef’s reaction when she turns out to be with child (from, y’know, a “servant of God,” which tradition may later call the Holy Spirit to obscure things), and throws herself on his mercy. I’d say what the Gospel of Matthew (1:18-19) says happened next wouldn’t be exactly inaccurate: “His mother Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph, but before they came together, she was found to be pregnant [...] Joseph her husband was faithful to the law, and yet did not want to expose her to public disgrace...”

Morally torn, Yosef thinks to himself, “The Law calls for her to be stoned, but I’ve already lost one wife to Sheol. If all men call me cursed, that could hurt my chances if I ever put myself on the line for betrothal again. I could break the engagement quietly, but if I didn’t marry her, people would speculate. She might bear shame and disgrace anyway. This isn’t worth the mishegas, for either of us.”

And the angel in him, if you will, won out. Maybe he’d never be what Ebed was to her; maybe he could never ask her to love him. But the child would need a father, and she would need someone to care for her, even if only to cover her shame. Who knows? It could be a blessing in disguise.

In Miriam’s shoes, I’d be grateful. Maybe even have at least four other kids with him down the line (see Mark 6:3).

It’s all just speculation, but what if...?

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aarongoldenwrites · 5 years ago

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So, I watched Prince of Egypt on Wednesday night to celebrate Passover. Then, I noticed some people watching it to celebrate Easter, which, okay, fine. It's not like you're holding a seder and it is an excellent movie.

But along the way, it occurred to me that part of our responsibility to God and one another is to share the Passover story with others.

So I'm going to do that now.

My way. With a certain degree of fidelity and a certain degree of irreverence.

You have been warned.

Joseph and the Technicolor Dreamcoat happens. Jacob went to Egypt, blah, blah, blah, the children of Israel settle in Egypt. Problem is, the land of Egypt is currently under the conquering foot of the Hyskos, so when the Jews helped the ruling class they helped the conquerors because those were the people in charge. The Hyskos were predominantly a sea-people who had also invented chariots and they terrorized the Mediterranean. We think they might have been Mycenean or a proto-Mycenean culture. A couple hundred years go by. Some Jews leave Egypt and matriculate to the Sinai or further north, to Canaan. We'll come back to them later.

The Egyptians have learned all about chariots and are now better at them than the Hyskos. They politely ask the Hyskos to leave, wait five minutes, and then use chariots to kill as many of them as they can run over. The rest show themselves out. “Eh, not our problem,” says the Jews. They were wrong.

And so four hundred years of slavery begins. The Egyptians use the Jews to build their homes and their temples and their statues and other structures, but not the goddamn pyramids (which had been there since the first dynastic age and this is about the middle of the second). The pyramids at this point were covered in limestone, which meant you could see them from freaking anywhere during the day and made navigating the desert a little easier.

What were the pyramids for? Well, other than being a shining beacon for land navigation, they also had some cool uses for astronomy and astrology. The Egyptians were big believes in astrology, with thirteen astrological houses (the Greeks would later condense it to twelve, because they had a thing about the number thirteen). So, with all this astrology going on, some Egyptian priests start warning the Pharaoh that the Jews might revolt. “Well, they're already revolting,” the Pharaoh says, and everyone laughs because the Pharaoh just told a joke and he is considered to be a literal god.

Anyways, they come up with a theory that someone will be born on such-and-such a day, under this astrological house or maybe that one, and will probably be a firstborn child, and that person will lead the Jews to freedom. “Screw that,” Pharaoh says, “Who will do the laundry or weave our fine linen? Do... do people expect us to change the nappies of our young?” A simple solution is reached: every firstborn male child (because a female leader? Hah!) of a given sign will be taken from their parents and relocated to the Nile, where they will be eaten or drown or probably both. Any parents that resist will be beaten and probably killed, which is okay because we're only slaves. This happens every few years. For four hundred years.

A woman named Yocheved (pronounced “Yocheved”) is born. She will later be voiced by Ofra Haza, and if you don't know you Ofra Haza is you should youtube her and listen to her sing; you're in for a treat. If you don't know who Yocheved is, she's Moses' mom. Moses' mom already has two kids: Miriam and Aaron (I'm named for him). Miriam gets out of danger of death by Nile by being a girl, and Aaron gets away from it because no one cares about Aaron (there's some thought that he's the second son of a previous marriage, and that Miriam was born of that marriage, too. Moses is the first son of the most recent marriage or the result of a not-wedded sexing, which might have been an Egyptian lover or the result of her being a sex slave, because we know that happens when slavery is a thing). Yocheved has been around a bit, and she takes her baby in a basket to the Nile because the Egyptians sometimes let parents do this – it was easier than killing a slave that someone important might like. Yocheved has sneakily made the basket buoyant, so it floats down the Nile and into the Pharoah's palace. Pharoah's wife finds the basket with the baby inside and decides that she's going to keep it because it's clearly a gift from the gods. They name the kid not-Moses (Yocheved gave him that name).

Miriam had a job working in the palace doing menial jobs like doing the laundry, weaving linen, and changing her secret brother's nappies. And if a slave is calling the young prince “Moses”, well, what does that mean, anyway? Silly slave.

Moses grows up with his brother, Ramses. There's no expectations for Moses, as he is an adopted child and cannot inherit anything, but Father-Ramses has big expectations for Son-Ramses and we're going to get some inter-generational trauma here based in vicarious living, good intentions, and cultural bias. Shall we do the thing? Moses is put in charge of some military efforts up north and to the east. He organizes some raids against people living in the Sinai and brings back slaves. Father-Ramses is pleased, but his big plan was to separate the brothers and give Son-Ramses a chance to mature. Son-Ramses is put in charge of some temple shit and does pretty okay.

The two brothers reconnect. Son-Ramses is named Pharaoh-to-be and no one is shocked. He awards Moses with one of the slaves that was taken by Moses, a woman named Tzipporah (pronounced “Tzipporah”). Tzipporah is an actual badass and escapes. Moses helps through inaction and, along the way, discovers he might be Jewish. Miriam is able to show him his basket, tell him what happened to his mother, and otherwise prove that this particular prince of Egypt is actually a Jew. Moses' reaction is so bad you'd think he was listening to Alex Jones. Father-Ramses finds Moses and negs him. “You're not like those other Jews,” says he. “They're only slaves. We feed their kids to the Nile. We did it just last week, you can still see some of the pieces floating in the water. See the red bits?”

Moses is not doing so well and wanders around a bit. He sees an Egyptian taskmaster having fun whipping some Jew to death. Moses grabs the whip and kills the taskmaster. The other taskmasters are ready to respond but Moses is a prince and they know they have to respect his authority so they do nothing. Moses freaks out and it becomes public knowledge that Moses is a Jew, so they banish him and Father-Ramses has Moses' name expunged from the records, and sets a law that not-Moses' name shall not be uttered on pain of death. Father Ramses says his adopted son's name again on his death bed.

Moses flees across the desert with almost nothing. He makes it to Sinai and comes across three lost Hyskos harassing three children. He uses “I'm a Prince of Egypt, bitch!” and it's super effective. The Hyskos run away. Moses pulls a Wesley from the Princess Bridge – he has no strength and falls down. There's a well right beside him, so why not fall into that?

Moses is pulled out of the well by Tzipporah and the kids. Tzipporah recognizes him and kicks him back in, because this is SINAI~! The kids explain that he chased off the Hyskos, though, and then she helps Moses out of the well and takes him home. Her father, Jethro, is one of those Jews that wandered away from Egypt back when and settled in Sinai. Moses is invited into the tribe because why not? It's just the sort of getaway he needs to find himself. He finds he enjoys being a shepherd and finds himself working for Jethro and the tribe, tending sheep. He tries to put his past behind him. Moses falls in love with Tzipporah. She also falls in love with him. Jethro is delighted by this. “What's not to love,” says Jethro. “He's a prince!” He presides over the wedding.

A sheep Moses is tending gets lost. He follows it to a bush that happens to not be burning despite being on fire. “Moses,” the bush says. “I am here,” Moses says. The proper nomenclature is “he nae ani”, for those wondering how to respond if God ever speaks to you. They have a chat where God tells Moses to go back to Egypt and Moses says that's not going to happen. Moses is arguing with God, though, so there's a good chance he's going to lose and go to Egypt.Edit or delete this

He loses and goes to Egypt. Moses brings his wife with him, and part of his deal with God is that he gets a security blanket. In this instance, that means his brother, Aaron, who he barely knows. Miriam ends up playing matchmaker and also gives Moses a place to stay while he's vacationing in Egypt, which is nice of her. You can always count on family.

So, remember Father-Ramses? He's dead now. Son-Ramses has taken over. Henceforth, he shall be referred to as “Ramses.”

Moses, Aaron, and Tzipporah go to the palace. Ramses recognizes Moses and welcomes him home because they do love one another. The priests point out that Father Ramses has Moses' name erased from history and he exiled. Ramses goes “No worries, this is my bro, bro. We'll call him by his slave name, and slave name bro cannot be tried for any reason. Word of Pharaoh, y'all, this is, like, a law now.”

And it was.

Moses needs security blanket Aaron to be there before he presents his case: “Um, God spoke to me and said to let His people go.” “Did he?” “Yes.” God turns Moses' staff into a snake because that's impressive. The Egyptian priests respond by doing the same thing, so Moses' snake eats their snakes and then becomes a staff again. Moses looks at Aaron and repeats the let my people go thing. Ramses is not impressed and decides to make the Jews' lives harder.

God turns all the water in Egypt to blood. The Jews get water, but if the Egyptians try to drink it, it becomes blood. The Egyptian linens are all bloodstained and also they are suffering from dehydration, so now the slaves are lacking off like they're the working class during a coronavirus outbreak and the Egyptians are the 1%. Moses approaches Ramses and promises this will end if Ramses will let the Jews go. Ramses thinks about it, drinks some blood, and says 'no.'

God calls frogs. Everywhere there are frogs. Everywhere there are frogs. They are in your bed. Your bathroom. Your linen drawer. Your clothing. Your hair. Frogs. Frogs everywhere. The Jews do not have this problem. Moses approaches Ramses and promises this will end if Ramses will let the Jews go. Ramses thinks about it, eats a frog, and says 'no.'

God calls lice. You'd think they frogs would get them, but the frogs leave them and the Jews alone and the lice are also not bothering the Jews. The Egyptians are shaving themselves everywhere to try and deal with the lice. It is not working well. Moses approaches Ramses and promises this will end if Ramses will let the Jews go. Ramses thinks about it, scratching his bald spots, and says 'get out of here.' The Jews get super excited when they hear. The blood becomes water. The frogs go away. The lice vanish. The Jews pack up what little they have and get ready to leave, but before the bread they're baking can rise Ramses changes his mind. “Who will do the laundry?” Ramses demands. The Jews are forced back to work.

God summons flies. Flies clouds so thick they block out the sun. Flies in such numbers that you can't tell day from night. You open your mouth and choke on flies. They cannot be escaped. They do not bother the Jews. Moses approaches Ramses and promises this will end if Ramses will let the Jews go. Ramses thinks about it, chokes on some flies, and says 'no.'

God inflicts disease on the domesticated animals of Egypt. They begin to wither and die, providing more breeding grounds for more flies. The stink is unbelievable. Livestock used and cared for by Jews are fine or recover, but those owned by Egyptians pus and scab and blister and peel. Moses approaches Ramses and promises this will end if Ramses will let the Jews go. Ramses thinks about it, cradling a crocodile that used to eat Jewish babies, and says 'no.'

God uses boils on the Egyptians. It is super effective. Egyptian flesh begins to blister and burn and peel. It hurts. It itches. You scratch and you bleed. The Jews are not affected. The blood soaking your linens is now your own. Your skin is rotting if you are Egyptian and there is nothing you can do. Moses approaches Ramses and promises this will end if Ramses will let the Jews go. Ramses thinks about it, his fingers sinking into his flesh, and says 'get the hell out of here.' The Jews get super excited when they hear. The flies go away. The livestock recovers. The Egyptians heal without scars. The Jews pack up what little they have and get ready to leave, but before the bread they're baking can rise Ramses changes his mind. “Who will weave our fine linen?” Ramses demands. The Jews are forced back to work.

Okay, so up until this point, the Egyptian priesthood has been waging magical war on Moses, and Moses has been responding in kind and kicking all kinds of ass. This is a forty-day magical duel, with a bunch of smaller plagues, hexes, and curses. The priesthood has done their best to match Moses plague for plague, and this is where they fucking fail. Why? GOD CALLS GIANT BALLS OF FLAMING ICE FROM THE SKY. We're talking treasure chest-sized chunks of ice that are also on fire. They slam into buildings and people, freezing what they touch, while the fire spreads and consumes everything that isn't frozen or Jewish. The Jews are fine. A little panicky, maybe, because it's clear God is done fucking around. Moses approaches Ramses and promises this will end if Ramses will let the Jews go. Ramses thinks about it, standing in the Nile where he will not be on fire, and says 'no.'

God calls locusts. Demon locusts. Cicadas. They make THAT sound and also eat all the stores of food that the Egyptians have, and all their fine linen, and bite the Egyptians, and they're everywhere, and the priesthood has failed, and maybe Ramses should listen this time and do the thing. Moses approaches Ramses and promises this will end if Ramses will let the Jews go. Ramses thinks about it, then asks Moses to repeat the question over THAT sound, and whimpers 'no.'

SO GOD PUTS THE SUN AWAY. The Jews still have light, but the Egyptians cannot see it, cannot feel it. There is no light or warmth, and the torches they steal or protect begin to gutter, their light seething down to nothing. Moses approaches Ramses and promises this will end if Ramses will let the Jews go. Ramses thinks about it, alone in the dark, and says 'get the fuck out of here.' The Jews get super excited when they hear. The fires go out and ice thaws. THAT sound stops. The sun comes back. The Jews pack up what little they have and get ready to leave, but before the bread they're baking can rise Ramses changes his mind. “Who will change the nappies of our babies” Ramses demands. The Jews are forced back to work.

See, Ramses remembers he has a child. Moses has a nephew. And that nephew questions Ramses' commitment to sparkle motion, and by sparkle motion I mean Egypt. They need to make Egypt great again, and maybe the best way to do that is to take the Jewish firstborn children and adults regardless of sign and put them in a camp called the Nile, where they will drown or be eaten. And he tells this to Moses and Moses understands and begs – he begs his brother not to do this. Ramses promises a wail will rise out of Egypt in the morning that is like nothing anyone will have ever heard before or ever hear again. Ramses decides to kill every firstborn Jew in his kingdom. They're only slaves.

Moses tells the Jews to cover their doorframes in lamb's blood. He does not tell them why. The burden of foreknowledge is his alone.

God visits every Egyptian household and claims every firstborn male, a mockery of Pharaoh's threat. God takes the adults. God takes the children. The only firstborn he leaves is Ramses. Every other firstborn male dies. All of them.

Moses approaches Ramses. There are no words. What could he say? What comfort could he give his brother? How should he mourn his nephew? There are no words. Ramses whispers “Go.”

The Jews are not super excited when they hear. They are terrified and heart-broken, but they also possess enough pattern recognition to not bother with waiting for the bread to rise. They leave with unleavened bread (matzah), gather what they can carry, and go. Some of the Egyptians want to go with them, and they are welcomed. Moses leads the Jews to the Red Sea. The Jews are not sure where they want to go, but God tells Moses that he intends to return them to Canaan – they just need to make a stop in the desert first. God has told Moses what he has to do but Moses is reluctant after that whole mass murder thing. He cannot help but feel that he is responsible.

Ramses is torn by grief and anger. There are others that are likewise torn. He tries using the power of his gods and the priests to call back his son from death. His son is still dead. His son is still dead. He is Pharaoh. He cannot let this stand. The chariots are gathered. All the Jews will die. They ride.

The Jews are wondering what to do next when the Egyptian army starts racing towards them. A HURRICANE OF FIRE comes out of the Red Sea and creates a wall of flame between the Egyptians and the Jews. God tells Moses to do the thing. Moses does the thing.

The Red Sea parts, allowing the Jews to pass from Egypt to Sinai. As the Jews approach Sinai, God lets the wall of fire dissipate and presents Ramses with a choice: stay here and let the Jews go or die. Ramses believes he is a God, so he decides to charge with his whole army. As the Jews are pulling out of the water, they notice the army coming for them. The waters begin to close. Moses calls to God: “My brother spared me from his wrath, please do the same for him.” The Egyptians are crushed by the Red Sea – every single chariot is destroyed and all their riders are killed. Only Ramses survives unscathed, tossed by the waters back to Egypt.

In heaven, the angels sing God's praises. “Who is like you, oh God, to have freed a nation in bondage? Who is like you, oh God, to have stood against one nation to free another? Who is like you, oh God, to have fought evil directly-” But God silences the host. “The Egyptians were My children, too,” God says, and weeps.

Gods leads Moses, and Moses leads the Jews into Sinai. They hook up with the other Jews and begin making their way up to Canaan. Moses tells everyone they need to stop for a bit – there's a thing he's gotta go pick up. “My father-in-law can teach you how to stay alive in the desert,” Moses says, and Jethro smiles because he can. Moses leaves Aaron in charge and heads up a mountain.

God gives Moses the Ten Commandments. “Why ten?” Moses asks. “I'm trying to keep this simple,” God replies. “What happens if people disobey?” Moses asks. “From Me? Nothing,” God answers. “And what happens if we do obey?” Moses asks. “The world will be a better place,” God says.

“I AM THE LORD THY GOD.” Simple. Straightforward. The creator of everything and the person and place and thing who can worship or not as you choose. “THOU SHALT HAVE NO OTHER GODS BEFORE ME, NOR SHALL YOU MAKE ANY GRAVEN IMAGE OF ME.” This one's a little more complex. It's not “thou shalt have no other gods.” It recognizes other gods, but claims that those gods are part of the creation that God is. God is everything. There is nothing that God is not. By making a graven image, you would be trying to simplify an understanding of God and lying to yourself about what God is. Do not do that. “THOU SHALT NOT TAKE THE NAME OF THE LORD IN VAIN.” Don't talk with God's authority. You're a mortal, I'm a mortal, the best we have are guesses. Is God there? Does it matter? Don't claim authority that isn't yours. “REMEMBER THE SABBATH DAY, KEEP IT HOLY.” Take a day off. One day out of every sevem, just relax. “HONOR THY FATHER AND THY MOTHER.” Be good to your parents. They're trying their best. Keep your promises to them and try not to stress them out too much. “THOU SHALL NOT MURDER.” Don't just go out killing people. You can defend yourself and your family, sure, but wholesale slaughter just leads to more killing. Chill out. “THOU SHALL NOT COMMIT ADULTERY.” So, bigamy was a thing back then, but we don't often talk about how that worked all ways. The real thing being talked about here is going behind people's back to have sex with someone; it's effectively don't lie about sleeping with people, be open and honest about intimacy and the needs of all involved. Honestly, it makes things simpler and would have saved Isaac and Jacob a world of misery. “THOU SHALL NOT STEAL.” Don't take stuff that's not yours. Try and get it back to who owns it if you can. “THOU SHALL NOT BEAR FALSE WITNESS AGAINST THY NEIGHBOR.” Don't start shit. Don't spread rumors and gossip. Just be up front with people. It's not hard. “THOU SHALL NOT COVET THY NEIGHBOR'S SHIT.” It's basically spouse, house, and stuff. Don't compare yourself to other people, because you're not other people. Your metric of success is going to be unique to you, so try to live to that. Living to other people's expectations of what success looks like is only going to make you miserable.

“Simple, right?” God says. “Yeah,” Moses says. “What else you got?” And God has Moses provides a long scroll, some ink, and a silver pen. Then Moses writes the first Torah.

“This is tricky,” Moses says. “First, I die in the second book, and there's five of them. That's a little weird.” “Sorry about that,” God says. “Are you?” “No.” “What about all these other rules?” Moses asks, pointing at books three, four, and five. “A bunch of people are going to sit around getting drunk and formalize them,” God says. “But you're dictating them to me now,” Moses says. “Doesn't that make them the Word of God?” “No,” God says, “It just means I know what they're going to say in the future, because I am them in the future and I am you now and I am here now. All of these things are true at once.” “These books feel like a contract,” Moses says. “They are,” God confirms. “You set the terms of what our relationship is. I've given you the Commandments. The rest is up to you.” “No punishment for breaking them?” Moses asks again. “The only punishment is the world that comes from breaking them,” God says.

“What about the afterlife?” Moses asks. “What about it?” God asks. “What happens there?” Moses asks. “Don't worry about it,” God says. “I do worry about it,” Moses says. “The Egyptians had a whole book of the dead thing going on, and all the other religions have something to say about it.” “I'd rather you focus on what you do while you're alive,” God says. “That's what matters.” “Will we be rewarded in the afterlife for things we do here?” Moses asks. “No,” God says. “Then why be good?” Moses asks. “Why indeed?” Gods says. “Our Covenant is one you have to choose. It will not be easy. The point is to live well and try to make the world better than you found it. There's no special punishment or reward for either doing so or failing to do so.” “So, we're just trying to make the world better for everyone?” “Choosing to, or not. And you'll be surprised how many people won't get that.”

So, Moses finishes the Torah and grabs that and the Commandments and heads down to find the Jews have created a Golden Calf and are worshiping that. Moses loses his shit and thrown down the Torah and Commandments, destroying the calf. “Are you fucking kidding me?” Moses roars. “God literally just went into a nation and fought that nation for you and you decide to worship a fucking statue? Fucking Abraham sorted that one and... and... do you know nothing?” And Jethro says “They don't. They barely remember who they are, and we tried to tell them, but...” “Okay, listen,” Moses says, glaring. “I'm going back up the mountain. Jethro, Aaron, Tzipporah, Miriam, you guys start teaching everyone how to read. I'm going to go get our history and then I'll be back. Try not to worship anything else until I get back.” “Right, right, but we're thirsty,” some people say, so a very angry Moses hits a rock with his stick and causes water to spill forth from it. They start praising Moses, who does not correct them as he stomps back up the mountain.

“You should have told them I did the thing with the stick and the rock and the water,” God tells Moses as Moses gets back to writing. “They're going to think you did it with magic or something.” “They already think I do all the things,” Moses says. “You know how that ends,” God says, and Moses weeps because he does.

Moses comes down from the mountain. He presents the Commandments and the Torah. There's plenty of time to talk about the contents of both as they walk to Canaan. The Jews learn their history – the learn about Abraham's rebellion, Isaac's betrayal, and Jacob's children. They learn to read and to understand that they have to choose to be God's people and that it is an ongoing relationship, a promise to be good to show the world what it could be. They discuss and they argue and they learn how to kvetch and by the time they reach Canaan's borders they have chosen to be Jewish, have chosen to be Israelites. And then Moses says “I can't go with you.” “What?” asks the Jews. “I can't go with you,” Moses says. “You know this. You read the story. I can't be your parent or your shepherd – you all need to figure this stuff out, and you can't do that if you're expecting me to fix all your problems.” And the people that still thought that Moses had created water with a magic stick shuffled their feet nervously. “This isn't your fault,” Moses said, looking at them. “It's time to move forward, if that is your choice.”

And it was.

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peirates · 5 years ago

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‘Did the Romans and ancient Greeks ... ?’

Google autocomplete is a gem and a curse. Inspired by @todayintokyo’s post on questions about Japan, I thought I’d have a look at what people are asking about Rome and classical Greece and, wow...

Christmas holidays leave a lot of time for milling around, so I’ll answer them in case anyone’s interested. (Please forgive me if any of this is incorrect/incoherent, it’s nearly 11pm as I’m writing this lol)

Did the Romans speak Latin?

Yes, Latin was Rome’s (and the Roman Empire’s) official language! Of course, many Romans or foreigners in Rome spoke other languages for the sake of communication, trade and education - Greek was particularly popular among the nobility - but Latin was what they all had in common.

Did the Romans invade Scotland?

Long story short, no. They tried, failed, and built Hadrian’s Wall to keep the ‘barbarian’ Gaels out - southern Britain was already too cold and muddy for the temperate Romans, not much point in losing more lives over more mud.

(Hadrian’s Wall was what inspired Game of Thrones’ The Wall, as confirmed by G.R.R. Martin himself, but Hadrian’s was nowhere near as high, thick or long.)

Did the Romans have glass?

Absolutely! In fact, their skill with it was much more artistic and masterful than the average glassmaker today, just search ‘roman glassware’ here on Tumblr or on Google images to see what I mean.

Did the Romans invent concrete?

Yep! It’s famed for its durability, which is due to its contents of volcanic ash (Pompeii flashbacks), lime and seawater. The seawater reacted with the ash over time to give it its strength and anti-cracking nature.

In fact, the Roman method was so effective that it lasts for far longer than modern concrete (modernity/Westernisation =/= progression, it seems) and scientists today are trying to find ways to revitalise it.

Did the Romans eat pizza? / Did the Romans eat pasta?

Sadly not, only later Italians did. Their empire deserved to crumble for not inventing either smh.

Did the Romans invade Britain? / Did the Romans invade England?

They did indeed in AD 43 under Emperor Claudius, and they only began to withdraw in the late 300s when the city of Rome was being threatened by a Germanic tribe called the Visigoths.

Did the Romans invade Ireland?

No. Even now, archaeologists have no idea to what extent they communicated or even knew of each other.

Did the Romans celebrate Christmas?

Emperor Constantine only began converting the empire to Christianity from AD 313 (they had been pagan previously), and the earliest evidence we have of Romans celebrating Christmas was in 336 AD, very late in Roman history. Throughout most of Roman history, therefore, no they did not celebrate Christmas.

(They did have a festival which was similarly important and similarly timed (mid-December) called the Saturnalia. It also involved communal partying, gift exchanges and a general spirit of liberty (e.g. slaves could order around and punish their masters) - it was one of the most anticipated festivals of the Roman calendar. However, the purpose was very different: it was to worship the pagan god Saturn, the father of god-king Jupiter and the previous ruler of the world before its occupation by humanity. Namely, the festival marked a return to the ancient ‘Golden Age’ in which nature was dominant, peaceful and uncorrupted.)

Did ancient Greece have emperors? / Did ancient Greece have kings?

No emperors, traditionally Greece was comprised of city-states ruled by kings (or theoretically by the dēmos, the people, if you were Athens). Under Roman occupation it did answer to Rome’s leaders (consuls, then later emperors), but the idea of emperors was much more late-Roman than Greek.

Did ancient Greece celebrate Christmas?

Nope. It was originally pagan and did not celebrate any Christian holidays until a) it was conquered by Rome b) Rome later converted to Christianity, thus enforcing it on the rest of the empire. However, this conversion point was so long after the ‘heroic’ and ‘classical’ periods of Greece that by the time it did become mostly Christian, it was no longer ‘ancient Greece’ in the same sense.

Did ancient Greece have electricity?

Y’all are asking the real questions out here, that’s for sure lmao.

Nope, electricity wasn’t used anywhere as a power source until Thomas Edison’s studies about two thousand years later.

God though, a good ol’ GPS would have saved Odysseus a lot of trouble.

Did ancient Greece and Rome overlap?

Oh, nelly...

Greece predated Rome by at nearly a thousand years, but Greece’s and Rome’s histories together lasted for centuries, even before the latter conquered the former. It’s why they are studied together as one field of academia. Many Italian settlements were in fact Greek colonies. Classical Greek helped shape Latin. Much of Roman religion was inspired by that of the Greeks. Many Greeks could speak Latin and many Romans could speak Greek. Roman art, philosophy and architecture was particularly fascinated by that which was Greek - to put it in meme format, the crab is Roman culture and the crocodile is Greek culture. And these are just the absolute basics, entire tomes have been written on Greece’s and Rome’s somewhat symbiotic relationship.

TLDR hell yes they did.

Did ancient Greece have a flag? / Did ancient Greece have a constitution?

Nah. Although history often refers to Greece as one country, one culture, it was more a collection of independent city-states with their own identities and constitutions.

They all had three things in common: religion (+ the moral/social codes which came along with it), language, and (in most cases) enemies from abroad - therefore in later centuries, as well as their city-based nationalities, they did all call themselves the Hellenes. If you were a fellow Hellenic, you’d be able to work and live in other Greek cities with less trouble than if you were to try, say, in a ‘barbarian’ land such as Persia. Greeks were civilised; everyone else was an uncultured brute. Hence, their sense of unity was more from fear of the outside, from xenophobia, than from internal harmony.

Because of this, there was never an altogether complete sense of assimilation. Different cities had distinct dialects, favoured different gods/cults within the wider Pantheon, often warred against each other (especially Athens and Sparta, whew), fed their own specific cultures and law-sets and reputations. Nationality and citizenship in that age were not really about country or region, the world was just too small for that. You wouldn’t say ‘Hi I’m Phoebe and I’m Greek’, you’d say ‘Hi I’m Phoebe and I’m from the city of Halicarnassus.’ The closest analogy I can really think of is the cities in the dystopian series, Mortal Engines.

So no, they didn’t have a single flag or constitution. There was just not enough unity between them all.

Did ancient Greece trade?

Initially I was going to wave this off as a silly question because ‘hurr durr everyone trades’ but ACTUALLY.

Along with the rest of the eastern Mediterranean, Greece had its own Dark Ages between the fall of its early society (aka Mycenaean Greece) and the rise of Homeric-style poetry and culture, i.e. between the 1100s and 700s BC. Communication in general was absolutely awful: there were no great armies, no great cultural progressions, and yes, no substantial trade. The fact that Greece was then feeling down in the dumps also discouraged foreign trade.

It took the bard Homer’s influence to get people to start thinking, creating, travelling and thus mass-trading again - this sudden surge in activity eventually led to Greece’s Classical Period, i.e. 4th century BC, you’ll probably imagine gleaming Athenian pillars. Increased thinking and culture led to increased politics/nationalism, increased p/n led to increased warring and military action, increased warring improved transport and communication, and WHOOSH suddenly trade took off.

So basically, Mycenaean Greek trade was good (as far as we can tell), Dark Ages Greek trade was shocking, Classical Greek trade was quite literally revolutionary.

Did ancient Greece have lions?

Yep! However, they weren’t like the sub-Saharan lions you’re probably imagining right now - those are Panthera leo, but the Eurasian lions that would have been in Greece were Panthera spelaea.

Nevertheless there were indeed lions and they played a huge role in Greek mythology and literature. The Nemean Lion was the first of Hercules’ Twelve Labours; Homer, the trendsetting legendary lad that he was, created a trope of comparing something innocent and vulnerable to something vicious and savage and desperate by using the analogy of a lamb and a hungry lion.

Did ancient Greece have a democracy?

Nope, only one city named Athens did. Don’t get me wrong, it was at the time and still is a big deal considering it hadn’t been done before, BUT there are three important things to note:

It was ONLY Athens which had a democracy - every other Greek city kept their kingships.

The Athenian democracy wasn’t what we’d call democracy. Only free, Athenian-on-both-sides men could vote and participate in local politics - this left out all slaves, all women (even if they were Athenian), and all foreigners or residents of foreign descent (no longer how long you and your family had lived in and worked in and contributed to the city and community).

It wasn’t foolproof considering it eventually got overthrown by power-seeking tyrants.

i.e. a part of ancient Greece had a democracy.

#classics #tagammemnon #classicsblr #rome #ancient rome #latin #ancient greece #classical greek #greece #[#classics: history #classics: language #|#did the romans and ancient greeks #google autocomplete #]

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futurewriter2000 · 6 years ago

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Almost perfect ~ pt. 5

A/N: Okay so I am finished with part 5. Thank God because I am working on this Sirius fic and it’s really good but I can’t find the motivation to finish it so please help a bit. ALSO hope you like this part and enjoy.

WARNING: I haven’t read it through so sorry if some sentances don’t make sense. And yes...Sirius will come soon.

TAGLIST: @paigeyisme @starlightspidey @shawnsstxches @siriusly-loves-snuffles, @slither-in-a-half, @nadinissavage, @shadyladyperfection, @geeksareunique, @ashkuuuu, @xinyourdreamsx, @maralisa124, @loserslytherpuff, @chloe-geoghegan1 , @musekala, @moonysmilkshake, @crispyfrenchfrieschrusis, @unicorn-sparkles123, @queenofravenclaw05, @redhead-weasley, @fashionlive15, @quokkatrash , @aunicornmademedoit , @bennie-badeend, @sly-vixen-up2nogood, @my-current-fandom-is

Other parts —> MASTERLIST

(REQUESTS ARE CLOSED) xx

So maybe being a Muggle was harder than you thought. You have not obliviated only your coworker’s mind four times for using magic, but also someone’s who is more important.

“ In my defense, he was being a total, irresponsible, selfish son of a bitch.” you defended yourself as Charles kept dragging you through the streets of England. “ He was pushy and bossy.”

“He’s your boss. He’s supposed to be pushy and bossy.” he stopped and turned around, glaring at you. “ This is the fourth Muggle job I got you. I don’t know what else to do.” he huffed and sat on the closest bench he could find, throwing his head into his palms.

“ And I’m thankful for what you did but-but-” you seemed to have lost your words.

“ Can’t keep your piehole shut.” he looked at you and couldn’t help himself but to chuckle a little to his own comment.

“ Yes, exactly. I won’t stand quietly anymore. To anyone.” you spoke fiercely and he stood up, taking your hand and slowly walking backward.

“ Come on.” he gave you a wonderful kind of smile that only made you want to melt.

“ Where?” you quirked an eyebrow but followed him anyway.

“ You’ll see.”

---

Oh, you saw alright. You saw an enormous building with many people dressed in robes and funky hats, serious expressions and papers flying everywhere.

He kept standing there like some kind of Greek statue, grinning. “ No.” you simply said and turned around to leave but he grabbed your arm and pulled you back.

“You don’t even know what the job is.” he chuckled and dragged you with him.

“ It probably sucks.” you quickly commented, following him with a frown.

“ Oh, you’d think.” he chuckled again and you found it really annoying by now.

The two of you walked over the whole Ministry of Magic, which was so much bigger than you ever imagined. " So. Many. Wizards." you smiled, watching some wizards running down the hall, others walking slowly with upright posture and judgmental eyed and few wizards in funky clothing, walking with big smiles on their faces.

" And you said no." Charles commented and pulled you into an office. Not just any office but the office of famous Bartemious Crouch, the Head of Department of Magical Law Enforcement. " Mr. Crouch."

" Yes, Charles." he spoke monotone and cold, not even looking up at the man as his eyes were stuck on the stack of papers.

"I have brought you a perfect person for the job." Charles grinned and you eyed him.

Barty glanced up from his paper, to you then to Charles. He fixed his posture and lifted his head high. He stared, observing you from head to toe. "Miss (Y/n) (y/l/n). " he simpered and stood up from his seat.

"Bartemius Crouch Senior." you returned a smile, offering him a hand. "An honor to finally meet you."

" Likewise Miss (y/n). Your father was a great, fascinating man." he smiled widely which seemed odd to both you and Charles. "So, shall we chat."

----

"I cannot BELIEVE I got the job!" you jumped around Charles. "Field agent (y/l/n)." you joked around, causing Charles to chuckle beside you.

" You are in the same department as me. You're not a field agent." he continued to chuckle to which you only playfully punched.

"Stop ruining the excitement." you laughed, punching him one more time.

"Hey, I got you the job."

"And thank you, thank you, thank you so much for it." you smiled jumped in his embrace, hugging him tightly.

But it hurt. As much as he thought it wouldn't, it hurt. It hurt James to see you in someone else's arms. It hurt seeing you this happy with someone else and not him.

" We're going to be partners." you smiled and pulled away. You started walking backward, jumpy from the excitement that you didn't even know who you bumped into.

You turned around, ready to apologize but the second your eyes landed on his, your heart jumped to your throat.

Of course. How could you forget that the person you loved, the person who you were supposed to marry and the person who broke your heart and soul, was now working at the same place as you, as an Auror.

"Hey." his voice was quiet yet with a sharp tone.

" James." you nodded before backing away to Charles and taking his hand. James' eyes glanced at your holding hands and before you knew it you were pulling Charles away from James. You were running away from him.

When the two of you got out, Charles let go of your hand and said. " (y/n)." he spoke worriedly.

But you couldn't. Your heart was beating so fast right now. Your chest was overweight by anxiety, your lungs giving up while your knees giving in.

"I'm fine." you panted, feeling the whole storm inside of you calm down. You fixed your posture, looking back at Charles. "I'm fine. Just trauma." you joked around and walked to Charles with a smile.

" (y/n)." he spoke again, this time clearer and holding on to his wrist.

You glanced down and saw a purple-blue print of your grip. You gasped, putting your hand over your mouth. "Oh my God, Charles. I'm so sorry." you took a hold of his hand. "I-I-"

He put his hand under your chin and moved your gaze away from his wrists. Brushing a tear that you didn't know you shed with his finger, he looked deeply into your eyes and tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear. "What did he do to you?"

You let out another tear, a tear you know knew it was there. "He-uhm-he-" you started to sob a bit, sniffing but trying to keep it together. "He broke me."

---

“ How are you feeling?” asked Charles as he continued to watch you eat your favorite flavored ice cream.

“ Better. “ you muffled as you put another spoonful of ice cream in your mouth. “ Can’t believe you took me for an ice cream.” you smiled, licking the spoon and scraping the melted bits of ice cream that was left.

He chuckled the famous chuckle, running his hands through his dense hair and smiling. “ Well, it works, doesn’t it? ”

You bit the plastic pink spoon and kept looking at him, smirking. “ Yeah, but we better not tell Kat or she would kill us both.”

“ Don’t have to tell me twice.”

---

“ So...” Kat stared after you explained the whole day to her. “ You didn’t kick him in the balls?”

“ Kat!” you laughed, throwing the pistachio at her head.

“ I’m just saying if I saw my ex, I’d kick him in the balls.” she took the pistachio that hit her head and ate it. “ Hell, if he’d sleep with my best friend I’d cut it off. That way he couldn’t shag and make babies with her.”

You stared at her, not believing what she was saying. But as much as you wanted to be serious right now, you couldn’t help yourself but laugh. “ You’re not serious?”

“ Oh, I’m dead serious. And if you had Charles next to you, you should have snogged him right there, in front of him.” she continued, getting up and pouring herself a cup of tea.

“ And lose my job right there. Yes, I don’t think so.”

“ But would you?” she asked, walking back and placing tea in front of her.

“ Would I kiss Charles?” you quirked an eyebrow at her.

“ Yes.” she said and started to spin the tea bag.” I mean would you want to be with him-”

“ Kat..”

“ I mean just give him a chance-”

“ Kat, I won’t-”

“ He dated my neighbor and she said he’s got a big-”

“Oh my god! Stop!”

“ He’s funny and nice, annoying to me but girls find that attractive.”

“ I can’t believe you’re trying to set me up with your brother.”

“ Why not?”

“ Because it’d be weird and I don’t like him that way. “ you got up from your seat and went to the kitchen, pouring yourself a cup of tea as well. “ It wouldn’t be fair to him when I clearly haven’t moved on from James.”

But if only fairness was the case here. Which wasn’t because the next time you saw James Potter was quicker then anybody expected.

It was a wonderful day and all three of you, Kat, Charles and yourself, decided to go on a trip. Charles kept trying to convince the two of you to go with him to Godric’s Hollow. Both you and Kat had plans but he promised a good time and as much as you hated to admit, you all had a good time.

“ If you dare take (y/n) to that creepy old witch you took me to last year, I will kick your arse.” Kat glared at her brother and wrapped her arm around yours.

“ I’d like to see you try little sis.” Charles laughed and kept walking forwards.

But as all of you passed by a store, your eyes locked with the chest inside of it and you quickly turned around and pulled Kat with you. “ Come on!” you beamed and grabbed Charles arms as well.

“ Noo!” they both groaned in unison and walked after you.

It was an antique shop and as much as you wanted to pass it by, you couldn’t. So many things kept drawing your attention to them and you couldn’t help yourself but think of re-decorating your apartment.

“ What a fancy lamp!” you ran to it and turned it on. Off. On. Off. On. Off.

“ Look at this!” Kat shouted and raised a porcelain doll, making Charles jump behind you. “ I’m going to get you Charlie.” she smiled, in a girly, spooky voice.

“ That is not funny.” Charles spoke seriously, making both of you giggle. “ Throw that away.”

“ Oh look. An odd clock thingy.” you smiled and walked over, leaving the siblings to bicker about the doll. You bent down and observed the stick to move left and right. Left. Right. Left. Right. Left. Right. Left-

“ (y/n)?” you jumped at the mention of your name and turned around.

“ James? What the hell are you doing here?” you asked, backing away from him.

“ I live here.” he replied and kept looking at you.

“ Oh..” you mumbled and turned your eyes away from him for a second.

“ Uhm..how are you?” he asked and you heard yourself snort.

“ Really, James? Again with those questions? I’m fabulous. How are your wife and your kid? Having a happy life are we?” you spoke with arrogance.

His gaze turned into a glare and his smile turned into a frown. “ Yes. Yes, I am. How are you? Still living in the past, pouting and trying to move on from me?” he spoke in the same tone of arrogance as you.

“ Well, soooORY! Guess I should get engaged with Sirius and then sleep with Remus and have a baby with him to be happy like you.” you retorded back.

“ Leave Sirius and Remus out of this!”

“ Oh, did you leave them out of this when you told them to lie for you!”

“ What do you want me to say, huh (y/n)! You want me to say sorry?! Because I did that already! What else did you want me to do!”

“ I want you to prove it.” you replied, lowering your voice.

“ I told you I can beg on my knees for you to forgive me.” he stared at you and you glared back.

“ And here you are. Standing up.” you replied harshly, shutting him up. He didn’t say a word but to just stand there and look at you. “ So? Do you have some knee injury or something?”

“ I will not get on my knees and-and-”

“ And beg for my forgiveness like you said so. Yeah, I know because of guys like you James... they will always choose pride over everything. And girls like Lilly, they will always be cowards and hide.” you spoke harshly, not regretting a single word you said.

Because you were right. You knew she was there, in the shop. You definitely knew she was there and that she kept hearing everything the two of you argued. She was just ashamed of showing her face in front of you and as much as you hated it...you loved it. You loved having that sort of power.

“ You don’t get to speak of my wife like that.” he growled at you.

“ Oh, the wife you married because she got pregnant with your baby. That wife?” you replied and he kept his mouth shut, trying to argue back but you cut him off first. “ If I will ever be so thankful for, James will be that I did n’t get to marry a selfish, arrogant, egotistic, prideful and self-observed prick like you.” you spat out.

“ And if I will ever be so thankful for, (y/n), will be that I didn’t get to marry a childish, petty, spoiled, self-pity bitch like you.” he spat out as well. “ Hope you got some closure.”

You felt yourself full of anger at the moment. You hated yourself for letting a guy like James trigger so much fury inside of you. And the words Kat spoke to you not long ago were the only solution for this situation. So without any more doubt, your fist flew across his face and as he grabbed his nose, you took the opportunity to knee him in the balls.

He let out groans of pain, getting on his knees and crying.

“ Looks like you CAN go on your knees.” you smirked, walking back to your friends as they stared in shock.

Kat’s mouth curved into a wide smile and she kept moving her eyes to Charles. Confused at first, you took the hint and grabbed Charles by the collar, pulling him into a long passionate kiss, hands running through his dense hair as his kept gripping your waist. Kat beside the two of you capt clapping her hands excitedly as the two of you continued with the make out right in front of James eyes.

Pulling away, you bit his lips and smiled. “ Now, I got closure.”

#james potter imagine #james potter x reader #James Potter #Sirius Black #sirius x reader #sirius black x reader #Remus Lupin #remus lupin imagine #remus x reader #remus lupin x reader #sirius black imagine #Marauders #the marauders #marauders era #marauders imagine #peter pettigrew #peter pettigrew imagine

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guava-jarritos · 6 years ago

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how can you be a Christian and be gay? as a fellow Christian, I've always been taught gay is Not Okay. I hope this doesn't come off as offensive or judgemental, because I'm genuinely curious

Sorry it took me a little longer to answer this, I wanted to do so to the best of my ability. I hope this helps clear anything up! Feel free to send another ask if you need to :)

Does the Bible say that homosexuality is a sin? You could argue that yes, it does (given different translations of the original Hebrew, Aramaic, Greek, and Latin, however, you could also argue that it does not – I’m not a language scholar though, so I won’t get too deep into that).

Here’s the thing though - do we follow every single law in the Bible? Absolutely NOT. At least, not to the exact letter. I mean, have you looked at the Old Testament?? Leviticus?? Some of that stuff is downright inapplicable in the society we live in today, and given “traditional” contemporary American Christian values.

“Don’t eat shellfish. Don’t eat pork. Don’t touch dead bodies. Don’t have sex with a woman on her period. Don’t even TOUCH a woman on her period, or anything she touches. Don’t have sex with animals (duh). Don’t wear clothes with more than one type of fabric.” And so on. We KNOW these are don’t necessarily apply to us today (well, okay, except the animals one). We know them as the “health laws” - laws put in place to protect an ancient nation against dangers and illnesses they didn’t know about or have the means to cure yet. Could the “man shall not lay with man” law be a health law? Sure, why not?

Thing is, most of the modern church doesn’t think so.

It does seem to be a bit of a reach, right?

So what else does the Bible say is okay, even encourage? That would be SLAVERY. And what about the whole “if a man rapes an unmarried woman, he has to pay her dad and then marry her.” That sounds… horrendous.

The latter is actually a huge reason why I didn’t consider myself a Christian for years. Somebody pointed out to me, though, that the context is the most important thing to understand.

The ancient Israeli culture was patriarchal - extremely so. Women had next to no place in society, besides to cook and clean and bear children. It was considered highly valuable to marry only a virgin. If that woman who was raped was left to her own defenses, if the law didn’t say to marry the man who took her virginity, then she would have been left to herself her whole life. As messed up as it was, no one would have wanted to marry her. And a single woman, in that culture, was possibly one of the worst things to be, second only to a leper. She would have had no livelihood, no children, no way to feed and clothe herself besides begging. So for the law to say that that man had to marry her, was in fact probably looking out for her well-being. It’s seen as horrible today, because a single woman CAN make a living for herself, because we are infinitely closer to gender equality now, and because she wouldn’t be seen as undesirable in the first place.

So what about the slavery laws? Again, cultural context is key. It was normal. It wasn’t seen as the abomination it’s seen as today. Granted, the Hebrew laws that they followed kept slavery relatively humane, but even with those guidelines, we would NEVER even DARE to allow slavery today. It is no longer culturally acceptable, and we understand it to be degrading of the human life. We have better ways of taking care of the poor, now.

So here’s what we know: the Bible holds laws that we no longer follow, for very valid reasons. Our culture is worlds apart from those the Bible was written during. It’s not about the letter of the law, but the spirit of the law. I mean, Paul told Christian women not to wear jewelry and to cover their heads. Why? Cultural context - where and when that church body lived, it was prostitutes and idol-worshippers (but mostly prostitutes) who wore jewelry and wore their hair uncovered. It was like telling them not to wear lingerie out and about - it was culturally unacceptable if they wanted to differentiate themselves from prostitutes and idolaters.

It’s also very important to remember that while the Bible is 100% truth, we as humans are fallible, and can easily misinterpret said truth. Misinterpretation of the Bible was used to justify the Crusades, and even more recently and relevantly, American slavery. It is the SPIRIT of the words that we need to focus on, and not always the LETTER.

So why is it so hard for most of the modern church to accept that maybe, just maybe, the homosexuality laws and verses (there’s not even that many in there, if we’re being honest – there are many more on slavery) are the same?

The deal-breaker for me, though, isn’t even in the Bible. It’s in the people.

When I’m jealous, or dishonest, or greedy - when I’m holding a grudge or badmouthing and gossiping about someone else, I know it’s wrong. I FEEL that it’s wrong - I feel dirty.

When I look at the love between LGBT couples, when I think about the way I feel about girls (and boys, and anyone), I don’t feel dirty. It feels pure, and beautiful, and innocent. There are very few things that I believe with my entire being. That there is some sort of God is one of them. That this is not wrong is another. I believe - I know - heart, soul, and mind - that who I am, who you are, that the community, is not a sin.

But COULD I be wrong? Sure. I’m not omniscient. There’s always the chance. I mean, come on, there’s always that chance that Christianity ISN’T the way, the truth, and the light, and when I die I’m gonna be in a world of hurt. I’m still taking my chances (that’s a whole other sermon, though). Here’s the thing though - even if I am wrong, and this is a sin, one of the biggest creeds of the Bible is that all sin is equal in God’s eyes. The BIGGEST creed is that God “sent his only son so that whoever believes in him will not perish, but have eternal life.” That’s it. End of the deal. Doesn’t matter what you’ve done, what a mess you’ve made of your life, if you trust and truly believe, you are saved. Sure, it’s always great to try not to sin, but like I said, I don’t believe that is a sin in the first place. And if I’m wrong? Well, then I’m no worse off than the Christians that truly hate people like me (cough, LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR, cough).

When I look at the “Romans Road,” it confounds me how other Christians can look at the same verses I am and yet take them completely differently.

“For all have sinned, and fall short of the glory of God.” (3:23)

“Because, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” (10:9)

“For everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.” (10:13)

“There is therefore no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” (8:9)

“For I am sure that … [nothing] in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (8:38-39)

The two greatest commandments are to “love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength,” and to “love your neighbor as yourself.” In essence, love God and love people. When we use the Word of God to hurt others, that is not loving people, and thereby not loving God to the best of our ability.

And as for me personally? How and why I came to all these conclusions? When I was 14, I knew that I wasn’t straight. I also knew that there were things within the Church that I couldn’t stand by. As I got older, my sexuality became more of a conflict. I knew, down to my bones, that I was not a mistake, that there was nothing WRONG with me, but also knew, just as inherently, that there was a God and that God was the one I was raised to follow. I just didn’t know how to reconcile these two beliefs, neither of which I was capable of compromising.

I truly do believe that all of this, the people who spoke this into my life, the articles and verses I’ve read which have convinced me of everything in this “essay” and more, is what saved my faith. If I had had to compromise something, unfortunately it would have ended up being what I was raised to believe, and not what I believed on my own.

If it were not for God showing me love, I would have lost my faith. And it’s still hard, yeah. It’s VERY easy for me to become complacent in my faith. No matter how much I believe, no matter how strong my foundational faith is, when you constantly hear the people in your life express the belief that you, and people like you, are incapable of a relationship with God, you can start to subconsciously believe it. So I have to work harder at it, and I am extremely blessed to have wonderful friends in my life who try to keep me accountable.

Long story short, it is okay if you can’t reconcile the two on your own. What is NOT okay is if you use your own personal values to harm another person’s relationship with God. I have been on the receiving end of that, and my faith almost didn’t survive.

Jesus hung out with prostitutes and thieves and murderers. He’s a chill dude. I believe that love is love, and I also believe that God is love.

#also: i've got a WHOLE different ''gender and christianity'' speech too #answered #anon #christianity #faith #god #bible #jesus #lgbtq #lgbt #gay #bi #pan #religion #church #positivity #personal story #personal

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